Bitterness?

I’m bitter.

I’m pissed off about a lot of things.

I can admit it.  I can truly admit how much I am frustrated at life.  One would think that matters for something,  but the reality is that no one truly gives a shit.  No one can care what I care about, because they can’t experience what I experience, because my frustrations are pretty specific, regardless how well they might be generalized to relate to other people.

What I don’t like, however, is the fact that I can’t shake the resentment.  I’ve drank a 6 pack of beer in the last two hours and I can’t seem to numb the frustration of my life.  I am lost, confused, tired, angry, etc.  What does one do with himself when he is uninterested in life?

I have struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past. That’s not where I am today.  I simply, do not know what I like about life anymore.  I don’t like so many things about my life anymore. I simply do not know what to do to be positive.  Positive messages piss me off, because thy are not the reality of what I feel.

I mentioned in my first post that this is not my first blog and I don’t even know if people give a shit that I deleted my other blogs.  I don’t know if people give a shit about me. On some level, I realize it doesn’t matter if other people give a shit about me, if I don’t give a shit about myself; but I also can’t believe that life is important, without relationships with other people.  And relationship with other people is, probably, what I struggle with the most.

I feel fucked up.

10 thoughts on “Bitterness?

  1. Hugs and I’m sorry…..wish I could help or say the right things. If you’re who I think you are….you’re intriguing, kind, adventurous, brave and cared about. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

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