I’m pissed off about a lot of things.
I can admit it. I can truly admit how much I am frustrated at life. One would think that matters for something, but the reality is that no one truly gives a shit. No one can care what I care about, because they can’t experience what I experience, because my frustrations are pretty specific, regardless how well they might be generalized to relate to other people.
What I don’t like, however, is the fact that I can’t shake the resentment. I’ve drank a 6 pack of beer in the last two hours and I can’t seem to numb the frustration of my life. I am lost, confused, tired, angry, etc. What does one do with himself when he is uninterested in life?
I have struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past. That’s not where I am today. I simply, do not know what I like about life anymore. I don’t like so many things about my life anymore. I simply do not know what to do to be positive. Positive messages piss me off, because thy are not the reality of what I feel.
I mentioned in my first post that this is not my first blog and I don’t even know if people give a shit that I deleted my other blogs. I don’t know if people give a shit about me. On some level, I realize it doesn’t matter if other people give a shit about me, if I don’t give a shit about myself; but I also can’t believe that life is important, without relationships with other people. And relationship with other people is, probably, what I struggle with the most.
I feel fucked up.