I haven’t posted in a few days – heck, I deleted an entire blog and haven’t posted in quite some time. I have been busy working and trying to make it through each day. I’m truly having a hard time accepting my life, accepting my situation and finding peace with myself. Anyone looking at my life from the outside would be shocked to know how much turmoil my insides feel. It’s a never ending battle and I question everything. I am a lost soul. Nothing makes sense to me anymore and I barely manage to get through each day.
Today, however, I have an odd sense of peace and serenity running through me. I recognize there are a lot of things in my life that I do not like and I’m not comfortable with much, but I notice I feel more turmoil when I fight against it all and make a concerted effort to make things happen the way I want them too. But the past few days, I feel like I gave up trying and just settled into the roles I have at the moment and everything seems to be okay.
The only problem is that I have that nagging voice in my head telling me I don’t like any of it.
I just don’t know how to make sense of anything…