Yup, it’s here again…

I’m referring to my depression of course. I have had a few days of being on a bit of high – although my posts might not seem like it – because I have been incredibly busy.  But I have been trying to avoid the inevitable – the crushing waves of another depressive episode. I noticed it coming on as I began to get cranky and feeling guilty for it. I noticed it coming on as I would not make decisions that are in my best interest…granted, they are little choices, like eating a couple of Oreos. But I noticed the problem when I look in the trash can and notice the package of Oreos I opened yesterday evening.

I compensate for my moods by trying to find solace in temporary happiness. I know this is my tendency, but I still succumb to things. I don’t know what to do during these times, because the depressive moods always come with an intense level of anxiety that sends messages to me to do something…do something to counteract the depression. It’s like a fight or flight mode that begins to run through my mind. And then I find something, like an entire package of cookies that erases the anxious feelings and allows me to settle into the depressive feelings. Erasing the anxiety allows me the chance to not care…

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