So, I follow hash tags on Twitter. I find it a fun and silly way to relieve some stress and reclaim some of my sense of humor (You might remember, I have lost it someplace). Today, I noticed #NationalComingOutDay and felt the need to say something about it and somewhat explain why I deleted my last blog.
Obviously, those of you that have reconnected with me on this blog are well aware of the fact that I’m bisexual. I’ve never made it known to anyone that did not need to know. I kept it a secret for many, many years. I denied it, I tried to pray it away, I figured it was something I just experimented, I thought I was warped from being sexually victimized as a child, and so many other ways I tried to do away with my attraction to both men and women. I have not come to terms with it in any positive sense, until I began exploring it more in my last two blogs. I posted, a crap-ton, about how I was not comfortable being out and I never planned on waving the bi-pride flag from the rooftops.
Although, there are days, like this one, when I see people online proclaiming coming out, that I feel an urge to do it. I completely understand that there are many more protections for the LGBTQ+ community than there was a mere 10-15 years ago, but at the same time there are still ways there are protections still lacking. But there are also a lot of very personal reasons people choose to come out or not. For me, there are ramifications that I don’t want to face.
One of the reasons, I deleted my last blog is because I felt like I was allowing my sexuality to take over any and all thoughts I had. I did not feel like I could escape talking about it and I want my sexuality to be something that is not a “in your face” aspect of who I am. I believe that we all have aspects of ourselves that should just be – no rhyme or reason, no socio-political statement, but it just is. I felt like my sexuality was becoming the definition of who I am, and I didn’t want to lose the other aspects of my being and characteristics.
Although, my feelings fluctuate on the matter of letting people know about my sexuality, I choose not to discuss it openly, in a public place, smacking people upside the head with my sexuality. To me, it’s highly personal and because of my experiences in life, I have much more comfort in maintaining it the way I do.
And oddly…this is the most confidence I have ever felt discussing it.
I am bisexual.