I think I’ve finally reached my bottom. I whine, way too much. I don’t often mention my kids or my wife online, but the other day my daughter asked me if I ever get tired of being negative. She’s right in her insinuation – I’m negative. And I have been for far too long. Also, I had my wife asked me the other day when I combed my hair last… I didn’t know. I shower daily, I have bit hit and miss on other hygiene matters. My daughter followed my wife’s question up by mentioning that this could be the sign of clinical depression.
Okay, fine, I admit it. I admit it, openly and honestly and it’s nothing any of you have not heard before: I am depressed.
But I have decided to change some things (yeah, yeah, I know I’ve threatened this before). I am trying to attend a kickboxing class when I am home from work (I work away from home 2 weeks at a time and it kinda sucks) and have got a week’s worth of workouts under my belt already. I made today, my start-date to begin tracking what I eat, so I can see what goes into my body and how much. I’ve tried these before, but I suppose it is only trying if I quit, right? If I keep taking it up over and over, then I am making it a priority, I suppose.
I have other issues going on in my life, but I decided to try and focus on something I know I can control and it is probably the most critical thing I could address in my life: my health. I have other things I’m not happy about, but I have a job, I have an ability to take care of my financial struggles and I accept there will not be an easy way to tackle it all. I’m not happy about some of my relationships in life. I’m not happy about so much, but I’m honestly sick of hearing myself whine about it. So, I’ve decided to focus on the one thing that should matter above all else – staying alive.
It sounds extreme. I’m not on the verge of dying or anything, but I’m going to treat myself like I am on the verge. So, I’m going to focus on my health for right now. I read all the expert articles about trying to focus on health as a means to feel better, so I’m going to take all these experts at their word. But, I’m also going to do something else in this process that I have never done – I’m simply going to make a small change here and there and work towards small goals. Right now, my goals are to make sure I attend the kickboxing class on my days off work and I’m going to try and track my diet for a week or so, to see where I can make a little change here and there.
I’m tired of being a whiny little bitch and I just want to be happy like I remember being at one time in my life.