Today, I was perusing some of the blogs that are written by bisexuals and/or written about bisexuality, because…duh…
…I’m bisexual and I’m cute like that! (Just kidding…a little…okay, not at all).
Anyways, while reading some of them, there were a few that recognized that there is a common assumption that bisexuals cannot be happy in one relationship – a la mental health issues (It’s commonly accepted in the mental health community that bisexuals have more mental health problems than other demographics, but I am not taking the time to cite this right now). The idea and mischaracterization behind this stereotype is that us bisexuals cannot be fulfilled by just one gender, therefore it only stands to reason that we cannot be in a monogamous relationship. Of course, if one is “picking” a gender to be with in a relationship, then it stands to reason that there is a side of the fence you are playing. But this isn’t accurate, at all, for many bisexuals – maybe some, but not all.
The reason I’m mentioning this, is because I had been involved in a conversation with someone about my own sexuality and when I mentioned that I was married, the other person practically crapped herself asking, “But you’re bisexual, how can you be married…?” Of course, I took it in kind and responded with, “I can’t imagine how you keep all of the cocks out of you, being heterosexual…how do you do it?” (In all fairness, she has a good sense of humor, so I felt I could get away with the joke). I think this misconception that bisexuals are constantly looking for the next person to bed is a very common stereotype and it is simply not true. Of course, it aligns with another misconception that when you become serious in a relationship with someone you are somehow “picking a side”. Let me address both issues: being monogamous and picking a side.
What does it take to be in a monogamous relationship? I find this funny, because all of us, regardless of who we are have physical attractions based upon our sexuality – some are people feel it stronger than others. But I would suspect that attraction and decisions are individualistic. On the one had, we are attracted to who we are attracted to, regardless of anything else. I have always ascribed to a theory that there is a combination of environmental (i.e. nurturing behaviors) influences on our sexuality, as well as biological (i.e. natural) influences. With this in mind, I believe that there is a choice to be monogamous with someone or not. Since we all have attractions, I would suspect that the decision to be faithful or loyal to someone is going to appeal to what you have been nurtured to do – are you a trustworthy person or not? This involves decisions, pure and simple. Of course, that doesn’t address the issue of physical attraction, which might be stronger with some people than others, but the essence of this aspect of sexuality is that it is the part we are born with and what we do with it is what defines our character.
Of course, I’ve heard this issue extrapolated as “bisexual people are twice as likely to cheat”; but this is blatantly untrue. The only way this could be true is by also claiming that heterosexual people are attracted to ALL members of the opposite sex, but they are not, because each person has his or her own individual tastes in people – bisexuals are the same. Trust me, there are some women I find absolutely gorgeous and some men I find are incredibly hot, but there are some women and men, unfortunately, that I find repulsive (What?! Don’t hate, it happens to us all!).
The other issue I mentioned is the idea that being monogamous means “picking a side”. This is simply a fallout ( or a side effect? It’s a poor descriptor, I know) of getting into a relationship. Although, I suspect heterosexual people have a natural bias of picking someone of an opposite gender before getting to the point they are in love, bisexual people may or may not have a so-called “preference”, but it isn’t a requirement for us. Granted, I married someone that was the opposite gender as myself, but the complexities behind this “selection” is individualistic in nature. The reality is, for most bisexuals, they tend to select partners based on who they find an emotional connection to – their partners may or may not be aligned similarly to heterosexuals in that respect, but it’s not relevant to the bisexual. Also, sometimes relationships end – breakups, or losing a partner to something tragic, etc.; so the idea that a side is picked, sort of implies that there is no possibility for a bisexual to have the ability to love anyone else again. This is, simply, not true.
I realize this is kind of a boring topic. It’s certainly something I had discussed in previous blogs that I kept. Actually, I wasn’t even going to discuss my sexuality much on this blog, because I kind of feel like I am at a point where there isn’t a need for me to go on and on and on and on about my sexuality – it just is; and whatever I choose to do about it is my business anyways. But what I read about today and the recent conversation I had about my sexuality made me feel like discussing it again. So, I appreciate anyone that followed along and feels like commenting – even if you disagree, I value people’s thoughts and feelings.