Unsettled Sleep

Last night, I struggled sleeping.

I had a multitude of opposing emotions swirling around my head: Hope & dread, apathy & arousal, motivation & desolation. Obviously, I am quite sure it has a lot to do with many of the things going on in my life right now.  I am doing better about eating right, and trying to exercise more regularly (although, I am a couple days without and need to get back to it), doing better about accepting my current employment status, working through some marital issues, attempting to better myself with an advanced degree, etc., etc.  I am feeling better about a lot of things than I have in a long, long, long time.  Ultimately, I am feeling slightly hopeful for a change, but my sleep was restless last night.

I had several weird dreams and one particularly amorous one.  It’s not uncommon for me to be turned on during stressful times in my life – especially when I get a moment to relax. I have always chalked this feeling up to a need to relieve stress. But last night was different and I woke up at different times during the night, because of the dreams I was having, but mostly because of THIS dream.  I’m not going into detail, but it made me feel incredibly guilty and embarrassed.  So, silly, I know, because it’s not like anyone actually knows what I dreamt about.

I commented on a friend’s post yesterday about her dreams. I recognize that dreams are nothing more than random collections of our experiences, thoughts, feelings, memories and emotions (actually…putting it like that makes them seem more complex than I am claiming), but sometimes they can feel incredibly real. Sometimes they give you pause to think and contemplate and wonder what they mean.

Maybe it’s nothing and maybe it’s something…