I am at an impasse

The lack of direction I am experiencing in my life is bearing down on my mind. I feel like I am in a quagmire of indecision with a lack of motivation and inability to feel passionate about anything. I am bogged down with the frustrating aspect of patience in waiting for some change and caught in a rut of life that has been existing in perpetuity.

I find myself trying to focus on menial tasks, only to be caught up in my own negative thinking. The echoes of voices saying, “Fill yourself with positivity” ring empty in my mind; the obviousness of the statement is like a slowly piercing rod piercing through my soul. Searching for something, anything to ease the anxiousness of my mind is like searching for the proverbial needle in the haystack.

I don’t understand the world anymore. I don’t understand my role in it. I can’t seem to grasp that one thing that will fill me with enough interest to break the emptiness of my soul.  I seek happiness in so many different things, only to realize that my interest subsides so quick that I feel worse than before I tried.

I feel incredibly lost again. I feel incredibly alone. I feel incredibly desolate of  feelings, emotions, thoughts and interests…

…and no suggestions seem to alleviate my mind…

2 thoughts on “I am at an impasse

  1. It’s this “season.” Lots of us have trouble with the forced happiness of the holidays, and then there’s the ever-shortening number of daylight hours. I spend a lot of time this time of year just counting. I count my breathing to make sure I keep doing it. And I count down to Solstice, and then tell myself that every day is a little better every day after that.
    If I can, I try to focus on others. It helps.

    Liked by 1 person

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