I have a friend, who is an author. I have had the chance to read some of the things she posts and have always been amazed at her talent and today she posted something about authors that want to write about guys who pursue women for romance, relationships or whatever romantic interlude might be the backdrop on a story. Specifically, she brought up the topic of the #MeToo movement and how writers might hit a bit of a roadblock in trying to honor and respect the movement while trying to tell a story of a man pursuing romance with a woman. It’s an interesting topic which you can read here, and it got me to thinking about being pursued by guys.
I don’t believe it has ever happened to me. Sure, I have had sexual relationships or sexual flings with guys, before, and I have even mentioned that I have been sexually assaulted by guys before (I’m not going to go into a lot of detail on these matters, but it’s happened); but, I have never, not one, not ever, had a guy interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with me (excluding one and only one time I went on a date with a guy, after he asked me out online; but it wasn’t a pursuit). I have always wondered how I would have reacted to a situation like what occurs with women that are pursued by a guy – either one she is interested in or one she finds really “creepy” (to use my friend’s description).
I don’t claim to be an expert, but I had an opinion about the matter that I offered as a comment on my friend’s blog. But for my post, I’m discussing the concept from my own personal perspective and what I feel about the matter. With that being said, and understanding that I am not actually looking to find a boyfriend (I’m in a committed relationship right now with a woman), I have certainly felt like this is something I have missed out on. I have felt, at times, that it would be a nice feeling to have a guy interested in me and trying to pursue me as if he wanted to be my boyfriend. In the past, I have pondered what it would be like to have a relationship with a guy that existed beyond sex, existed beyond something short-lived. I have wondered what it would feel like to be special to a guy, to feel like he was enamored with me. It’s a feeling I have never experienced.
I have contemplated the idea behind feeling “creeped” out by a guy who made me feel uncomfortable. I have wondered, if I would have a feeling of being sexually harassed. I have pondered if I would experience some similar thing that many women, unfortunately, have had to deal with from guys that were complete horndogs and only interested in women for their own sexual desires and not interested in a true relationship with a woman. I have wondered, what it would feel like, if I were in a situation similar to that.
On the other hand, I have also wondered what it would be like to be pursued by a guy who interested me. I have asked myself, “Would I feel the ‘stomach full of butterflies’ effect?” I can’t help but feel that something like this would feel special. Would I be coy and flirtatious? What would attract me to a guy trying to strike up a possible relationship with me? Would I be swayed with his affections or would I staunchly resolve myself to non-interest? I can’t help but contemplate the emotions I might feel. I wonder if I would display bashfulness, embarrassment at the loss of my emotional control, or simply treat it as a matter of fact.
Since, all of my interactions with guys were when I was much younger, I have never had that opportunity to feel courted by a guy. I mean, in our society, with such a negative view of same-sex relationships, I can’t help but wonder if some guy was interested in me at some time, but ignored his feelings because of the fear of judgment. I get it. The one and only time I went on a date with a guy, I was terrified when he kissed me. I was terrified, because I liked it so much and ran away from my emotions, because I didn’t understand what to do with it. As a gentleman, though, he didn’t pursue it, since I was wishy-washy. But, now that I’m more mature, and understand myself better, I can’t help but wonder how I would react in a similar circumstance.
And, now I’m going to stop discussing this, because I got a sudden sense of sorrow and loneliness, and I don’t want to feel that way…