The past few days have had me thinking about validation – or more specifically, validating someone’s feelings to establish great self-esteem in someone. Why might I be thinking about this? Although, my entire blog seems to be an attention-seeking exhibition of neediness and search for validation, I’m actually focused on the concept, in general. Often times, there are various memes, quotes or messages about people not needing validation or that they are so independent that validation is not necessary; and yet, there are ample memes, quotes and messages encouraging us all to be kinder, compassionate and open to people going through struggles in life. So, being the ever-so-observant person I am (I’m really not observant, if you know anything about me) I can’t help but see the irony in it.
Of course, we all need validation. It ‘s given to children to build their own self-esteem, confidence or any other positivity. We do it to the people we care about and love, when they are struggling. So, I’m always baffled when I see people claiming to not need it – but I get it, oh do I get it! It’s readily obvious, from reading any one of my posts, that I am constantly seeking validation. I’ve gone on and on and on and on and on about my mental health, my physical health, my relationship struggles, my sexuality, etc. And, truthfully and overwhelmingly, I receive a lot of validation. There are so many people willing to step up and offer that piece of validation that I might be seeking in that moment.
So, why do people say they don’t need it? Really, isn’t that a form of seeking validation too? Aren’t many of these people, simply, exercising the idea that the need people to accept them on that fact? I grasp the psychology behind it – it’s empowering to claim power over oneself. I’ve been there. Although it’s hard to tell from the last several years, but I have had that powerful, self-empowering, self-edifying positivity that drives one forward. It works…
…as long as you believe it.
And that, is the crux of it all. That’s why there are times that people need validation. People believe certain things about themselves and when those things go to the heart of who they are, it either builds them or destroys them. And sometimes, people believe all the negativity they hear about themselves and it becomes the voice that repeats that negativity over and over again. To me, validation would assist in stopping it.
But validation needs to come from inside, right? And I totally and utterly agree, but sometimes that inner negative voice is so powerful it drowns out any self-attempt at positivity. Sometimes a person needs someone to speak for that voice. Sometimes, that person needs help in seeing that the voice is still there. I want to be that kind of person. I want to be the kind of person that is encouraging to others, assists someone in finding their positive voice and help them speak so loud to themselves, that the negative voice is the one that falls always into hiding.
I want to be the kind of person that validates others…