…involves all kind of obligations. And it has the tendency to relieve me from my thoughts, but instilling a different kind of anxiety. The anxiety I feel is one of over estimating my abilities to meet everyone’s needs. I’m not so good at setting boundaries, I don’t say “no” very well at all.
Yet, today, I’m managing it okay because I decided to adopt some other frame of reference: “Fuck it”. I simply can’t do everything I want to do and I’ve decided to not give a “fuck”. But, I have been accomplishing a lot – I went to breakfast with my wife, took my wife to work, went to an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting, took my daughter to see my mom and then took my wife lunch, and I also had a conversation with my sponsor.
I’ve been kind of busy for the past few days and I have not had much of a chance to write. In fact, the meeting I went to today was a bit of a bore and I had a tough time getting into it. I mentioned it to my sponsor and he said, “You’re honest.” And then went on to explain, of course, that it happens and that he has walked out of meetings; but, he also said he didn’t leave it at that and always called someone in the program to make sure he is in the right frame of mind. I appreciate that, because I have a horrible tendency of beating myself up over things.
And then I asked him something about my sobriety date. My last drink was on February 12th of this year, which means I am approaching a month’s worth of sobriety. Well, February being only 28 days, means 30 days of sobriety will be the 14th of March and so I asked my sponsor about it and he said I should claim the month’s worth of sobriety tomorrow. Of course, I expressed that I thought I was over-thinking it (I’m extremely good at doing this, in case you were wondering…probably irritatingly so). I was.
Anyways, tomorrow, I’ll be busy again… AA meeting, where I have the chance to get one of those milestone chips, I have a visit to my doctor’s office, and I’ll be taking my wife to work, picking up one of my kids from school, and I’ll probably get tied up with other things…
…but I’ll finish today, sober.
27 days, approaching 1 month.