Reflections on a month’s worth of sobriety.

Honestly? I never thought I’d ever be saying that I have been sober one month, ever again.  I say it with the thought in mind that I have had several perspectives on the matter.  A few years ago, when I was going through some really crummy crap and was drinking constantly, a day sober would have felt like crap.  The last time I decided to go out and drink again, I had “decided” that I was not an alcoholic and therefore wouldn’t need to worry about being sober for a month – I had the problem licked.  Or so I thought.

Anyways, if I am being utterly honest, which the program of Alcoholics Anonymous – a.k.a. AA – requires, then I must say that I don’t feel anything magical. It simply feels like something I must do.  I know over the past month, my emotions have fluctuated wildly, that my cravings have ebbed and flowed, that my mind has made backflips over the matter and so on and so forth. But, at the same time, I’m not upset.

I’m encouraged.

Even today, my dad called and asked when we were getting together for a beer again. I told him, “I stopped drinking dad, but we can get together for something else..” and he said it sounded like a great idea. My dad is not one to really push anyone to do something they don’t want to do – except his own kids, but that’s only if the purpose of pushing is to better themselves (needless to say, the idea of setting and meeting high expectations of myself has led to some serious disappointments in my life to match the serious successes too).

Oddly, I don’t have much to say, because I am in early sobriety, but I felt a need to update everyone who reads my blog.  Maybe tomorrow, I might have something a little more thought provoking…

Day 29 (I claimed one month, because of February)…

32 thoughts on “Reflections on a month’s worth of sobriety.

  1. Sometimes things are really ordinary, and that’s just part of life. Earlier today felt really bad to me, and now later it feels fine and ordinary. I’m happy with that!

    You’re doing great. Good for you for telling your dad so casually and good for him for being fine with it.

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  2. You know I never felt anything “magical” about AA either you know? I think the real revelation for you on this journey, (or from what I am reading), is that it is YOU making the change and pushing forward, not “a higher power,” “twelve steps,” or anything from a “Big Book.” Not that those things aren’t positive, but the sayings and messages behind them always fell empty in my heart, you know what I mean? YOUR conscious choice, YOU who called your Dad, its all YOU hun, ALL YOU! Not AA. I am so proud of you, keep it up! ❤

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  3. Huge congrats on one-month! You should be very proud of this. Don’t worry about it not necessarily feeling “magical” – I have been going through that same thing off and on. There are times that I just feel so fine about the decision not to drink that I feel just plain ordinary and then start wondering if I ever had a problem in the first place. But – that doesn’t last and I’m quickly reminded of why I had to stop and how hard it can be some days. Regardless of if you feel it’s magical or not – I happen to think it’s pretty damn magical to share in this experience with you. Keep going – you are doing great!

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  4. Ok so one month is HUGE and actually the hardest in sobriety. This is when many people reward themselves with a drink. If you can make it through 30 days, you can make it through a year, so on and so forth. Luckily all you have to worry about is today. I was told long ago if you have to question whether or not you are an alcoholic, then you are an alcoholic. I know in my heart of hearts I am a true alcoholic. I no longer need to prove that to anyone. Maybe you haven’t hit rock bottom but you don’t have too either.
    Life really is boring and emotions are stupid but it is all better when dealt with a sober mind, I promise you that. I am proud of you and your month!!! Big Congrats from Eve 🙂

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  5. I found the first month sober incredibly strange…and then all the following months I would be counting the days religiously. I’m over a year sober now and I don’t even notice when I reach “that date”….because it’s become a part of me. It’s my new normal.

    Hang on in there! There are rough patches but it is definitely worth it!

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  6. I think that the “magic” for me didn’t come until a little later, when I realized that I was finally able to go through life without smothering anymore. I definitely latches on to AA, but also didn’t really feel the magic of it until I really took the time to get to know the people in it, learn their stories, and form friendships. This took time – but it was all worth it. A month is a long time without a drink. Keep on keepin’ on! One day at a time 😉

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    1. First of all, thank you so much for the comment. I find so much encouragement from people that have been there and done that.
      I am finding more and more peace within the rooms of AA. I wouldn’t say I’m at a place of feeling like making friendships – I won’t lie, I carry a lot of preconceived notions and I’m trying to let those go, that’s for sure.
      But again, I appreciate you stopping by and commenting. 🙂

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  7. big congratulations! I remember my first month. heck my first year was an emotional rollar coaster. You can do it! Be kind to yourself. And remember to allow yourself to “thaw out” – 🙂 I have been sober since July 24 2014 and I write openly about it on my blog (im also a friend of Bills)

    Liked by 1 person

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