I’ve kept a pretty serious, somber mood on my blog for quite some time…not just this blog, but the previous one, and the one before that. I admit it: I dive deep into some personal issues that are truly raw and it only seems like the idea of seriousness is obvious. But, I feel my mood beginning to change as sobriety lengthens.
I’ve suffered with depression (yeah, yeah, yeah…I realize the drinking is like throwing fuel on the fire, but I’m an alcoholic…logic goes out the damned window!) and some anxiety issues too. I’m an ex-cop and have dealt with some PTSD, as well. And, if you ask some of my therapists the relationships I’ve had have not always had a positive impact in my life. There are so many issues I could discuss…and probably will (Just warning you…), that it’s shocking that I could have a sense of humor.
Honestly, I’m a smart ass. *shock*
I’m snarky. (Wha?!?!?!)
And might I venture to say, ‘witty’?
Yes, believe it or not I have a sense of humor that I have not displayed much, but I have noticed it beginning to return. And I take great joy in making other people laugh…a lot! It’s one of my favorite things to do. I am beginning to take on the aspect of AA that is heard a lot within meetings – “we are not a glum lot”. This is something I want for myself. I want a jovial attitude again, I want to feel good.
I’m not going to lie, however, because yesterday was a bit difficult. I had a serious craving for a beer last night. I had attended three AA meetings, yesterday, because I woke up frustrated about my current financial and career situation and just do not see an answer right now. Although, I had attended three meetings, I was hankerin’ for a beer last night. I tried calling two people in the program – something I have never done before. One was my sponsor and one was another guy that I have some similarities. At first I could not get a hole of either one, but eventually they both called me back. It was encouraging to hear that I’m on the right path and what I’m feeling is not out of the ordinary.
I went to sleep last night with a smile on my face…something I have not done in quite some time.
I’m currently 37 days sober…