Sometimes in life, you just have to roll with it.
Yesterday, I was having a bit of a break-down about life. Of course, I commonly refer to this mental state as being a whiney-wuss-wad. I do not like the things that are going on in my life right now, but I also know that I can survive it all. I am truly worried – and probably have been for well over 10 years – but I think the worst thing I could do is to cloud my thinking, hide from it all and phase-out into a cloud of inebriation from beer or alcohol.
I’m working on a phrase that is common to hear in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings: Live life on life’s terms. It’s a hard proposition for someone like me, because I have always, throughout my life, believed that I can force the changes I want or need in life. But the reality is that we all have limits. We all have places in life that we do not control. And it’s in understanding when/where/how those times show up that is important. I am working on ways to mitigate some of my problems, but I’m also accepting that everything may come crashing down around me.
And what if it all does fall down around me? Fuck it…I’ve already picked out a spot under a bridge and I’ll go stake my claim, if needed. That’s probably extreme thinking, but I like being prepared – I’m not a huge fan of surprises. So, I’d like to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best…
Whoa…wait…what just happened…?!?!?
That’s a phrase I used to use many. many years ago: Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. It’s something that used to keep me going when things got tough. It used to work for me. Maybe I’ll adopt it again, huh?
Anyways…I just the point I’m trying to make is that today feels better than yesterday. My situation hasn’t changed, but my attitude is slightly better. So, I’ll roll with it.
I’m on my 40th day of sobriety