I’m not going to be discussing only bisexual things in this series of posts. I mentioned, previously, that I had engaged in an ongoing discussion of my Sexual and Relationship Development in a previous blog. In that blog, I had focused solely on my sexuality and only discussed those interactions that involved other guys. But in this series of posts, I want it to be more inclusive of who I am… I felt like one of the reasons I began to despise that other blog is because I felt like I lost myself in it; I felt like I forgot who/what I really am. Of course, drinking didn’t help any of that, but I digress…
So, I wanted to introduce, early on, that I certainly have an attraction to women. And I thought the best way to make that introduction is to talk about my love of kissing women (In fairness, I’ve only had one romantic kiss with a guy and I’ll discuss that another time). It’s not like I ran around the school yard kissing random girls or found myself lip-locked in a night club with some woman or anything. I have always found kissing to be an intimate thing and although, I would only kiss someone close to me, I also had to get started someplace, right?
Anyways, my earliest recollection of kissing a girl was in about the 2nd grade. There was a pretty red-haired girl named Patricia. I don’t really recall exact details, but I remember being in the second grade and all of the popular kids were all about boyfriends and girlfriends (On a side note, how da eff can you know anything about relationships when you’re only 7 years old…I’m beginning to think I had an effed up life with very little innocence…) and I was horribly shy. But, I became friends with Patricia and she had a couple of boyfriends at the time. But I remember she had invited me over to her house after school once.
Well, I remember her inviting me in and we sat down on the couch. Since I was shy, I didn’t lead the conversation very well, but she turned on some cartoons and then asked me, “Would you be my boyfriend…?” I don’t quite remember how I acted, but I’m sure a puddle of drool was collecting on the floor and a goofy grin was on my face and I nodded yes. Then she told me, “Well, then you have to kiss me…” So, I did what any young man (yes, yes, yes…I know I was just a boy. And I am still a little boy in a lot of situations) would do and comply with the pretty red-head’s request. I leaned in and put my lips against hers.
I felt her tongue trying to pry my lips open and I allowed her inside of my mouth (Oddly, I’m detecting a very submissive nature to myself here…). She explored the inside of my mouth and I returned the favor with my own tongue. Although, I’m sure it lasted all of 30 seconds, I bet I thought it was the best part of my life.
Oddly enough, it’s not the best part of my life…I actually had forgotten all about this incident until I decided to write about kissing girls…
Unfortunately, our “relationship” did not extend much beyond that moment. I think she was kissing other boys by the next day after school. But, I think it gave me my first indication that I knew I liked girls and I just assumed that someday I would find a girl to love me and I would love her back. Of course, how much can a 7 year old really understand, huh?