I admit it.
I’m a bit of an attention whore. In fact, I started my own hashtag on Twitter to express it. I called it #MyAttentionWhoredomIsOnFleek. Truthfully, it was merely a joke, because it is so far from actually trending, it’s not even worth mentioning and another thing – I absolutely despise the expression “on fleek”. I mean, what intellectually based creature would ever come up with such gibberish? (This is a rhetorical question, so there is no need to answer it.)
But, today as I got on to do some writing, I thought I would making another entry in my Sexual and Relationship Development series and noticed my last post had only four comments – with two of them being my replies. And I had a thought that maybe this isn’t as interesting as I thought it might be. So, then I decided I didn’t want to bother writing about it today. Of course, I also looked at the short story I began to write and realized it’s been a couple of months since I began writing this story and I have not bothered with the next chapter. And I thought that maybe it completely sucks. But then again, I stopped about the time I decided to begin tackling my alcoholism again. And right now that seems to be taking a lot of my focus.
I’m feeling, unfortunately, like I am a boring person with nothing of interest to say. I remember on my last blog, I was truly tackling a lot of serious issues with myself: Depression and suicide, sexuality, God & Religion, anxiety and mental health, gender identity, a failing marriage, the loss of a career, and so on and so forth. My blog seemed to be a complete tragedy of humanity. And I had a huge following of people (It was under 2,000 people…but it felt huge to me).
And this one?
This one seems to be boring. I’m not excited about it and I am not putting all of the feeling and emotions into this one like I did the last blog. But I recognize I have been completely focused on getting back on my feet (It’s a much bigger struggle than I’m revealing at the moment), and that has really taken a lot of my excess energy. I realize I’m not posting as much on this blog as I did my last one, but I’m not really sure what I want to do on this blog.
I feel myself becoming bored with topics. I am not sure if it’s because I feel like they’re not getting as much attention as they used to or if I am not putting as much of myself into them as I used to. I know I feel more centered now than I did a year ago, but I also feel like I’m more reserved in expressing myself than I did a year ago.
I dunno…I guess I just feel somewhat…mundane.