Scrambled Thoughts on My Writing.

I admit it.

I’m a bit of an attention whore.  In fact, I started my own hashtag on Twitter to express it. I called it #MyAttentionWhoredomIsOnFleek.  Truthfully, it was merely a joke, because it is so far from actually trending, it’s not even worth mentioning and another thing – I absolutely despise the expression “on fleek”.  I mean, what intellectually based creature would ever come up with such gibberish? (This is a rhetorical question, so there is no need to answer it.)

But, today as I got on to do some writing, I thought I would making another entry in my Sexual and Relationship Development series and noticed my last post had only four comments – with two of them being my replies. And I had a thought that maybe this isn’t as interesting as I thought it might be. So, then I decided I didn’t want to bother writing about it today.  Of course, I also looked at the short story I began to write and realized it’s been a couple of months since I began writing this story and I have not bothered with the next chapter. And I thought that maybe it completely sucks.  But then again, I stopped about the time I decided to begin tackling my alcoholism again. And right now that seems to be taking a lot of my focus.

I’m feeling, unfortunately, like I am a boring person with nothing of interest to say. I remember on my last blog, I was truly tackling a lot of serious issues with myself: Depression and suicide, sexuality, God & Religion, anxiety and mental health, gender identity, a failing marriage, the loss of a career, and so on and so forth. My blog seemed to be a complete tragedy of humanity. And I had a huge following of people (It was under 2,000 people…but it felt huge to me).

And this one?

This one seems to be boring. I’m not excited about it and I am not putting all of the feeling and emotions into this one like I did the last blog. But I recognize I have been completely focused on getting back on my feet (It’s a much bigger struggle than I’m revealing at the moment), and that has really taken a lot of my excess energy. I realize I’m not posting as much on this blog as I did my last one, but I’m not really sure what I want to do on this blog.

I feel myself becoming bored with topics. I am not sure if it’s because I feel like they’re not getting as much attention as they used to or if I am not putting as much of myself into them as I used to.  I know I feel more centered now than I did a year ago, but I also feel like I’m more reserved in expressing myself than I did a year ago.

I dunno…I guess I just feel somewhat…mundane.

25 thoughts on “Scrambled Thoughts on My Writing.

  1. I always enjoy your posts, I just haven’t been present on WordPress at all lately. I really enjoy your blog (this one AND the previous one). Don’t think the worst about the silence. It is difficult to stay positive when you are fighting against an addiction. We all love your blog. Don’t believe those negative thoughts when they come creeping in. *sending lots of positive vibes your way* Choose the better feeling thought, my friend! Proud of you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. First I’d like to tell you I read most of your posts and enjoy your blog – you rock. Second, I’m gonna throw you a bit of a curve ball…. If you write something that makes YOU feel good, something that ignites some profound and wonderful realisation in you as you write it, something you carefully crafted when you lovingly strung the words together – does it make you happier to get two million likes or that only one person saw it but let you know that your words made a difference to them? Anyway, keep it coming because I for one would love to keep reading your blog but more importantly DO IT FOR YOU! All the best, Sophie x

    Liked by 2 people

  3. So what’s funny about this is you started out talking about being a #attentionwhore and then ended talking about how your blog is boring because…maybe there’s not enough attention being paid to it lol either way, I like your blog. Every time I’m here, there’s something interesting.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Repeat after me “I AM NOT BORING.” No one is boring, but we aren’t always happy in our own skins. This is life. And it’s an opportunity to challenge ourselves. Another note, I find you the exact opposite. Your story is valuable to some many different people, on so many different levels. It’s just that the right audience hasn’t possibly read it yet. So chin up. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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