I’ve officially gone 2 months, or 60 Days, without drinking one drop of beer or any other alcohol based beverage. I have to admit, however, I’m struggling a little bit. I’m struggling, because I am facing some challenges in life right now that have me feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, pushed to my limits and frustrating. But I know, I can’t do this drinking. In the past, I would have been drinking to numb everything I felt. I’m not sure what’s changing – other than myself – but I am confident that everything I’m hearing in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings are ringing true.
On one hand, I want to feel happy and successful, but on the other hand, I’m dealing with some major frustrations. I ponder how I’m going to get through it all, but I stop short of letting it overcome my thinking. What I do know, is that I have to get through today and today only. Hell, sometimes I am focused only on this very moment, and try and make it through the immediacy of the moment that arises.
Of course, as I write this, I feel somewhat empowered by it.
Yesterday, I spoke to my AA sponsor. I’m glad I did. This past Sunday, I got called out to work on an emergency. And I haven’t had much sleep in the past 3 or 4 days. In fact, I wasn’t even sure what today is because all of the hours and lack of sleep has piled up on me and jumbled my thinking. Speaking to my sponsor, yesterday, sort of helped me see things from a different set of eyes. The truth of the matter is that I’m doing everything that is reasonable to change my situation. That is a positive thing for sure. For example, I’m in a job that brings me no pleasure. It’s also only mildly meeting my financial needs right now. But, to leave it right now, without another option would ruin me. So, I have been applying for work elsewhere and I’m meeting my responsibilities in the mean time.
What I know is this: I’m sober and maintaining that sobriety through prayer, attending meetings, listening to podcasts when I can’t attend meetings, and continuing to work with my sponsor. I’m not perfect and things are not working out perfectly right now, but I do know that I’m progressing in my sobriety.
Today is day 60, since I took my last drink.