So, my last several posts have been laced with some obvious negativity. I’ve certainly expressed that I don’t care for that attitude and today, I think I’m on a bit of a pity hangover. You might recognize it as feeling regret for feeling so sorry for yourself. Granted, I’m not sure if anyone has ever felt this way, but I know I certainly do today. Feeling sorry for myself is just not something I enjoy doing and I don’t think it serves any purpose other than keeping me down by opening the door to Hilda.
I’m not going to pretend, of course, that I am dealing with some things I don’t like about my life right now, but I have heard a lot of you give some great advice and I can face some of these things by implementing some changes. Oh changes…it’s not like I’m afraid of change, because I don’t think I am, but I don’t really change. I keep doing the same things over and over and I expect something different to happen. In essence, I think I get in my own way.
But it’s the regret and resentments I feel in life that I have a tough time shaking. These are the things that feel almost like an alcohol addiction. I know they’re bad for me, I know they don’t serve me in a positive way and yet I engage in them only to regret it in the morning. I go through the process of feeling all of the feelings put into me and then go through a period of feeling blacked-out in the sense that I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing. Then, I figuratively wake up and feel remorse for doing it and promising to never do it again.
And I recognize that all of this kind of thinking makes me out to be a victim.
I am not a victim of anything, let alone my life. Who wants that, exactly?
No, today, although I’m on an emotional hangover, my thoughts are looking towards being positive.