I blame my mother.
I blame her for cursing me with the friendzone! I mean, we all know what the friendzone is, right? It’s that place you are condemned to because you make a much better friend than a boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s the one place we really dread when we’re interested in someone. And it sucks. My mother setting me up for the vile Friendzone is the topic for this installment of my ongoing series on Sexual And Relationship Development (Other installments are in the link provided.)
When I was a lot younger, I was an extremely shy little kid. Granted, once I got to know you, I opened up like a wrapped gift on Christmas morning! I busted out like you were the best thing that ever happened to me – once I got to know you. But getting to know people was really difficult for me when I was younger. I’m not really sure why, but the why isn’t really the point of this post – it just was. So, as a result, you can imagine how difficult it was for me to approach girls in which I was interested. I remember going to school dances and sitting on the side and watching all of the girls get asked to dance. I remember going through the hallways in school and watching guys flirt with girls and so on and so forth. It was kind of a humiliating experience. I mean, I was a nice kid and all, but I stuttered all over myself all the time.
Well, I remember being a little depressed about it. It seemed like everyone in middle school had a girlfriend except for me. It kinda felt like I was supposed to have one too. I mean, I knew I liked them – especially that Heather girl. Or that Patricia girl. Or that Michelle girl. Or that
Holly girl (Nevermind, she kicked me in the balls in 5th grade when I told her she was pretty. The side of my dick was black and blue for way too long. Thankfully, I’m strong like bull now!). You get the picture – I liked girls, except none of them liked me. And I mentioned it to my mom.
I’m sure that was the mistake, because she gave me mom advice. I remember going up to her and asking her, “Mom. How do I get girls to like me? I’d like a girlfriend and none of the girls at school even look at me…” I remember she sat on the couch next to me and put her arm across my shoulders and said, “Well, the best way to impress a girl is to be their friend.” (I realized many years later, this was an absolute fucking lie, based on some of the things I observed!) She continued, “Any girl worth being with is going to want to get to know you before she wants to be your girlfriend.” At the time, it seemed reasonable. Be their friends and I could have as many girls as I wanted! It seemed like a piece of cake.
Except that was self-deception at it’s finest. And my mom lied.
I began being friendly to every girl at school and every girl I met after that – it even carried into adulthood. I can recall starting to open up at school a little and trying to strike up little conversations. I mean, at this time, I assumed my mom knew something about women that I didn’t, so I went with it. It was kinda cool. Girls were beginning to speak to me. I had a way with chics and didn’t even know I had it in me! I was God’s gift to them (This is some major effing foreshadowing to my own egotistically driven downfall in relationships)! They wanted me! So, I acted on it and began asking girls to be my girlfriends.
It’s been many years, since I first asked a girl to be my girlfriend, but I’m sure I started off with, “So, would you be my girlfriend?” And generally, girls would follow up with something like, “You’re really nice and you’re really funny, but you make a better friend then a boyfriend.”
I was shocked each time this occurred.
And, of course, humiliated.
I didn’t understand. My mom practically promised that girls would want to marry me if I offered myself as a friend first. This was not going as planned. But this kind of thing occurred for most of my young life. And it continued…for as long as I could remember.
It wasn’t until much later, in high school when I could actually convince girls to be my girlfriend – okay, in all fairness, I didn’t have that many girlfriends in high school. And, in fact, I began looking for anyone willing to give herself to me (i.e. Mysti). I developed an attitude of looking for girls that were vulnerable, because I had become desperate – of course, that was my attitude. But I became reluctant to pursue girls, in general, because I think rejection began to scare me more and more. But I’m totally okay with my friendships with women now.