S.A.R.D. #10 – Seeming Normalcy

I have indicated in several posts before, but I had a hard time coming to terms with and understanding my sexuality. The problem is that there was little focus or little attention on anything outside of mainstream heterosexual relationships – and even those downgraded the sexual interactions of couples in the public eye. As I’ve mentioned before, there was no such thing as “bisexual” only gay – and some of my experiences have indicated as much. And, one of the things that confused me is that I was not just attracted to males, I often found myself attracted to females too. Truthfully, my attractions to females were far more than my attractions to males, but I feel like I often forget to indicate that in my writing – or maybe, I am worried about people’s views of me and I want to make sure that this part of me is not forgotten as I explore my sexual nature in this writing. I had a previous blog where I talked about my same-sex experiences far more often than I did my same-sex experiences and I felt like I was forgetting that part of myself – which is very relevant. But it has the connotation of being “normal”, because it is easily accepted by most people. The reality of the matter is that I think a lot of my interactions with girls – and later with women – are probably considered normal and lacks anything of notability. But, I want to include these things in my discussion of my Sexual and Relationship Development series.

A lot of my high school years were spent focused on girls. I had really, by this time, assumed my same-sex interactions were forgettable, a part of experimentation and just a result of my victimization as a young child.  So, beginning to really pay attention to girls really made a lot of attention to me. And I probably behaved a lot like normal teenaged boys – albeit I had parents that really pushed for respect for women. So, I rarely pushed anything into a sexual situation, but that does not mean that I wasn’t excited enough to do it and some of my interactions were pretty pathetic – such as losing my virginity.

So, basically, in high school I was trying to date girls. I never seemed to be the kind of guy that girls were crazy about, but I think a lot appreciated that I was respectful and nice – although, things would not always go very far. I think there are only a few girls with whom I had gone out on dates in high school. But it wasn’t until my senior year in high school before I really had a girlfriend – and she cheated on me with a couple of guys (Oddly enough, this happened to me more than I like to admit. Did these girls know something I didn’t know about myself?).

I was still a somewhat typical guy. I remember one summer going up to the park where my high school cheerleaders would practice. Of course, I was there “playing basketball”, but I took the opportunity to look at these girls. Was it an objectifying act? Probably so, but I can’t deny that I was as horny and attracted to girls. I had posters of different actresses and models in my bedroom that I would….hmmm…embarrass my mother when she did laundry and discovered my bedsheets and undershorts.

Yes, the dreaded wet-dream earned me a talk about the birds and the bees from my parents. And the advice I received from my dad was not much, other than a comment of understanding with, “Well, it looks like you had a wild dream about some girl. Well, some day you’ll find someone you love very much and can act on it.” My mom’s advice was a little less tactful as she said, “If you’re gonna have sex, you better wear a rubber.”  Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but they really didn’t have a clue.

As I mentioned, I had the opportunity to go on several different dates in high school, but most of the girls I dated did not really add to my sexual experiences. There were some girls that I got to make out with, there were some girls that were obviously not into me, and there were a couple of girls that we shared some minor touching. I think for me, a lot of the significant events I had with girls should deserve their own posts, but I wanted to take a moment to express that women did have a role in my sexual experiences, but they were also very mainstream. As I became older and some of my relationships become more significant, there is more to discuss. But other things were very normal and very mundane.  And, I think some of it is supposed to be that way right? Not every person we encounter – romantically or otherwise will hold the highest significance in our lives.

7 thoughts on “S.A.R.D. #10 – Seeming Normalcy

  1. I think your mom gave your really good advice for girls or boys! 😁 Isn’t it more normal to have thoughts about every kind of sex? 50 shades showed that we are interested in all kinds of things. Perhaps we just fall in love with a person whatever gender they are?

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  2. Here’s the thing about bisexuality that people who aren’t bi seem to forget: We might like doing the nasty with guys… but we still very much like/love women and having sex with them and we’re not of a mind to give up doing it with women. What is normal? Psychologists say that if you’re not thinking about sex – and in every way you can think of it, there’s probably something not quite right with you because it’s quite normal to think about sex… and even if you’re thinking about having sex with another guy.

    I recall my high school days and I can remember doing my fair share of chasing girls and with varying degrees of success… but I wasn’t opposed to getting down with guys, not just because it was comparatively easy but simply because it was sex… and it was fun (most of the time). And it was all (and still is) very normal for me even when people believed then (and still believe now) that it’s not normal to even think about sex with another guy. While I’m all too aware of what society at large considers to be normal, um, I kinda like my idea of normal better.

    I remember the “birds and bees” talk with my parents but, um, er, because I was quite sexually active (with guys and gals) before that talk happened, not only did I know it wasn’t a conversation they wanted to have, they weren’t telling me anything useful or, really, nothing I hadn’t figured out already. For the longest time, I was kinda pissed with them because they were blowing smoke up my ass but eventually I came to understand how their own upbringing influenced what they were willing to tell me – and that wasn’t a whole lot, believe me; what little they said was along the lines of what not to do like don’t even think about having sex until you’re old enough to understand what you’re doing and, almost as an aside, don’t even think about having sex with other boys… because it’s a sin and, oh, yeah, because I told you not to do it.

    I’m bisexual and I love having sex with guys… but that doesn’t mean that women are safe from my lusty thoughts because like many bi guys, I love having sex with women more than I do with guys and for me, this is just normal… just as it’s normal for other bi guys. People who diss bisexuality, again, just seem to forget that bisexual isn’t homosexual and that our default behavior is to chase women, catch them, and have tons of fun with them… but if we catch a guy, okay, that works, too. It just never fails to amaze me how narrow-minded and short-sighted people can be about this when they pay attention only to the homosexual things we might do and not so much the heterosexual things we do.

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  3. I’ll say that, as usual, if a guy is confused and worried about being/feeling bisexual, it’s because they have it in their mind that wanting to play with a dick isn’t normal… even though they know that gay men exist. We accept that doing anything with a guy is abnormal… because that’s what we’ve been told but it always begs a question: If it’s really abnormal, um, why are there a lot of guys doing it? The answer is so simple most people aren’t even aware of it: It’s not abnormal and, duh, several million (or more) guys just can’t all be wrong about this, can they?

    My “job” when I comment on your posts and when I talk to other bi guys is to provide some clarity about this stuff. I’ve been there, done damn near all of it and, importantly, I’ve seen and have been subjected to the same nonsense uttered by others and unlike some folks, I’m never, ever, gonna bullshit you or anyone else about this subject; I’m gonna give it to you straight and unadulterated because despite what some people might think, this is some very serious shit for a man to go through and you’re not gonna get him to be okay with this by filling his head with a lot of misconceptions and it just does not work for people who don’t know a damned thing about this to try and tell a bi guy about it. People can gain some “book learning” about this and it isn’t the same as experiencing it right along with the ages-old prejudice that has always existed over men who “go off the reservation…” but that’s mostly about homosexual men – bisexual men are a different animal because we do, in fact, go both ways and it becomes just as normal to us as breathing…

    Unless we’re beating ourselves up over it. I always say to you, “Stop kicking your own ass about this!” and the way I do it is to be frank, open, and honest about it and more so since you’re not the only person who reads what I have to say to you so they’re being educated as well and my message is clear: What you think about this isn’t the whole truth and if no one else knows the truth, I do.

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