It’s been a couple of weeks, since I have written anything.
I guess, on some level that’s a good thing, because it means I have been busy and haven’t had much time to really be on here. My new job is a commitment. It’s not very challenging on an intellectual level, but it requires a lot out of me. I thrive under pressure, so that’s a positive. But, I can’t really mention anything else positive, and that really frustrates me, because I know there is so much in my life that I want to be different.
In fact, today, as I begin to feel the things I’m feeling, I hear myself saying over and over, “You sound like a broken record.” And it’s true. I could bore you all to death and discuss, at length, all of the things that are still troubling me, but I won’t. For grins, however, I decided to search my own blog for “broken record” – feel free to check it out. There are only three posts there, but I think they kind of give a small example of the whiney-ass crap I go on and on about in this blog.
Truthfully, however, I’ve noticed a slight change in my attitude. I’ve shifted into something that I don’t like, but I know it’s going to motivate me – I’ve gone from feeling hopeless and depressed to feeling angry and pissed off. I’m utterly tired of the life I’m living. And I’m frustrated that I don’t know what to change first.
Change is needed, there is no doubt about that. I just don’t know what it is I need to change. Or rather, I don’t know how to change it. I actually know what needs to be changed, I just don’t know how to do it. I feel like I’m running out of time in my life, so it feels much more critical than it used to. In fact, as my 46th birthday approaches, I contemplate this reality with absolute sincerity. The bottom line, is that I have not come anywhere close to accomplishing the things I set out to accomplish in life.
But I hate to sound like a broken record…
…some things will change. I’m going to force them as much as I can.