So, I’ve crossed the 30 day mark in my sobriety. In fact, today is the 31st day, since I last drank – early morning (~2:00 a.m.) on labor day. Honestly, I’m feeling a lot better, physically, but mentally I’m still working through a lot of things. Although my mind is becoming clear and the fog of alcohol has lifted from my thinking, I’m still plagued by some of my thinking. One of those aspects of my thinking is in goal setting.
You see, I’m a very driven person and have found ways to achieve goals in the past. My biggest problem, I think, is biting off more than I can chew. I had mentioned to my sponsor about a week ago that I really want to start making it to the gym and I really want to begin tackling my financial issues. Of course his recommendation is that I only focus on my sobriety for the time being.
But I’m getting antsy.
I feel like there are things to do and thing that need to get done. And I feel like I don’t have much time left to get all of these things done. For example, I am facing a major financial crisis right now. Although I have a good salary of ~$90k per year, my debts are above $500k (mostly my mortgage and student loans) and it feels like I can’t make enough money to tackle them. I’ve even began driving for Lyft/Uber again to try and widdle down some obligations. This means, I’m working 60-70 hours per week. Also, I saw a photo of myself last night from 20+ years ago, when I was in phenomenal fitness – I worked out a couple of times per day and was eating the healthiest possible diet. Granted, I know I’ll not have that level of fitness again, but I would certainly like to drop the 80-90 pounds I’m overweight.
And the problem I’m having is that I feel like I’m energetic enough to try tackling these things, but my experience is that I will overwhelm myself and the frustration will, inevitably, put me in a situation where I want to ease the stress. In recent years, drinking has presented itself as the solution to my problems. You see, I’m not a problem drinker, I’m a solution drinker. And, maybe that’s exactly what my sponsor is referring to when I express my desire to accomplish some goals. Maybe my main focus should be on my sobriety. Maybe I simply try to make it to 90 days without a beer, since I have not accomplished that in over 10 years.
But maybe, I just focus on today, since that’s all I can really control right now.
Sober 31 days.