National Coming Out Day: 2018 Version

Last year, I wrote about National Coming Out Day, and needless to say there isn’t a whole lot I have to say on the subject. In fact, I didn’t even know it was this day, until I logged onto Twitter and found out in similar fashion as I mentioned happened in the post I just linked.  Although, I have to admit, the temptation to come out and tell people in my “real” life that I’m bisexual is becoming more relevant (or is it?). I think it’s because, on some level, I still seek some sort of external validation as to who I am.

I’m not really sue why this is the case for me.

God knows, I have spent oodles and oodles of time trying to come to terms with myself, but I ponder how much worry I put into something that only impacts me when I allow it to impact me. Truthfully, I’m always impressed and inspired by the people who come out and are widely accepted; it gives someone like me hope that people don’t think ill of those in the LGBT community. At the same time, however, I have always been a firm believer that our actions have consequences and one has to be willing to live with the consequences of their actions. And maybe that’s the real hang-up for me on this topic. Maybe, I don’t want to deal with the consequence of coming out.

On the one hand, there are a few people in my life that are aware of my same-sex interactions, but the vast majority of people I know would have no clue. And honestly, a few of those would lose their proverbial shits, if I were to mention it now. And I would be lying, if I said that having some of these people’s respect is important to me. I also believe, that because I am a father, that the impact it had on my kids might be negative and I have never wanted my actions in life to hurt my kids in any fashion. Of course, there are many people that I have dealt with in my life, career, and hobbies that might be surprised and would probably have less to do with me, but I would believe that there are many that this revelation would have no sway over their opinions of me.

But, I have mentioned in previous posts, that I have always been comfortable with the “Need to know” basis of my sexuality. And for the most part, who honestly cares who I sleep with as long as it doesn’t impact other people, right?  This is what I am comfortable with sharing, this is how I choose to live my life and I am finally getting to the point where my sexuality is just a part of who I am (although, I keep managing to go on and on and on and on about it). I’m beginning to like myself again, and I’m beginning to realize that it is not the defining characteristic of my personality. Is it important? Yes. Is it critical as a definition to who I am as a person? Only “kinda”. But is it the entirety of my existence? Absolute not.

Like I’ve mention on many occasions, I will never be on the roof tops with an LGBT megaphone screaming about pride, nor will I be waving the bi-pride flag with emphasis. But, I’m also not denying it any longer.

I am bisexual.

12 thoughts on “National Coming Out Day: 2018 Version

  1. I love the “I’m beginning to like myself again, and I’m beginning to realize that it is not the defining characteristic of my personality.” I seriously think (and remember I think I am bi-sexual to but have never done anything about it) that people like us actually have a pure love and it’s not limited to a gender.

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  2. I have said and maintain that when a bisexual has come out to themselves, they’ve already come out to the most important person in the world. I’ve been bisexual damn near all of my life and I don’t pretend to understand this often overwhelming need to tell other people about what we’ve discovered about ourselves and I’ve seen people do this and become a part of all the other horror stories that surround coming out to others.

    In any of this, discovering one’s bisexuality imparts a great need to do something about it and for some, yes, it tends to dominate their personality and to the point of near total distraction… but being bisexual is really a rather small part of the whole but the reality of being bisexual can make one feel as if they’re two different people when, in fact, they’re still just one person with two ways to express themselves sexually and emotionally.

    And remember – or consider, if you will – that being bisexual isn’t just about doing; there are many people who are very bisexual and doing just isn’t on their list of things to take care of. I’ve maintained that being bisexual is about what you think and how you feel and, sure, if you can do something, then do it… but if you can’t, then don’t… and then don’t start kicking your ass because you can’t do something about it; even this is something that can be beyond one’s ability to control.

    And thinking and doing are not the same things and anyone who’s bisexual eventually gets to understand this very important distinction and, yes, that applies to coming out; ya might think you really need to do it but as I also say, think first… then act if you must… or can. And if you can’t act, then don’t.

    The consequences to coming out are very real; they’re not horror stories with a purpose to scare folks into remaining straight and the one question – among many – one has to ask themselves about this is whether or not coming out is worth the consequences one might face. Many bisexuals weigh this very thing and decide that, nah, coming out ain’t worth the humongous shit storm many are 95% sure they’re gonna face… because people who aren’t bisexual just don’t have a sense of humor or understanding about this and tend to react badly.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Aye, and there’s the rub – why haven’t you? If you cannot “always” accept it, then how can you expect others to accept it? What would I give to spend some quality time inside your head?

        Liked by 1 person

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