Last year, I wrote about National Coming Out Day, and needless to say there isn’t a whole lot I have to say on the subject. In fact, I didn’t even know it was this day, until I logged onto Twitter and found out in similar fashion as I mentioned happened in the post I just linked. Although, I have to admit, the temptation to come out and tell people in my “real” life that I’m bisexual is becoming more relevant (or is it?). I think it’s because, on some level, I still seek some sort of external validation as to who I am.
I’m not really sue why this is the case for me.
God knows, I have spent oodles and oodles of time trying to come to terms with myself, but I ponder how much worry I put into something that only impacts me when I allow it to impact me. Truthfully, I’m always impressed and inspired by the people who come out and are widely accepted; it gives someone like me hope that people don’t think ill of those in the LGBT community. At the same time, however, I have always been a firm believer that our actions have consequences and one has to be willing to live with the consequences of their actions. And maybe that’s the real hang-up for me on this topic. Maybe, I don’t want to deal with the consequence of coming out.
On the one hand, there are a few people in my life that are aware of my same-sex interactions, but the vast majority of people I know would have no clue. And honestly, a few of those would lose their proverbial shits, if I were to mention it now. And I would be lying, if I said that having some of these people’s respect is important to me. I also believe, that because I am a father, that the impact it had on my kids might be negative and I have never wanted my actions in life to hurt my kids in any fashion. Of course, there are many people that I have dealt with in my life, career, and hobbies that might be surprised and would probably have less to do with me, but I would believe that there are many that this revelation would have no sway over their opinions of me.
But, I have mentioned in previous posts, that I have always been comfortable with the “Need to know” basis of my sexuality. And for the most part, who honestly cares who I sleep with as long as it doesn’t impact other people, right? This is what I am comfortable with sharing, this is how I choose to live my life and I am finally getting to the point where my sexuality is just a part of who I am (although, I keep managing to go on and on and on and on about it). I’m beginning to like myself again, and I’m beginning to realize that it is not the defining characteristic of my personality. Is it important? Yes. Is it critical as a definition to who I am as a person? Only “kinda”. But is it the entirety of my existence? Absolute not.
Like I’ve mention on many occasions, I will never be on the roof tops with an LGBT megaphone screaming about pride, nor will I be waving the bi-pride flag with emphasis. But, I’m also not denying it any longer.
I am bisexual.