WARNING: I’m going to be discussing something of an adult nature. I am whipping this out as it comes to mind and I have thoughts that are raw and uncensored – I may or may not use vulgarity. Oh, and it may have tons of grammatical and spelling errors too (Oh, the horror!?!?!). This post is intended for mature audiences (i.e. ages 21+). Also, names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.
For those of you that have followed my blog, you are aware that I have a negative inner voice that I have nicknamed “Hilda“. Recently, someone on Twitter had asked me why I have given a a feminine attachment to something I find incredibly mean. Of course, she was teasing, but there is some psychology involve in the matter – something that I’ll discuss some other time, I think. But it got me to thinking about another feminine personality trait in which I have associated: Stephanie.
Stephanie has an origin, which I’ll explain in a moment, but there have been times that I have been sexually involved with guys and I have always found myself taking on a more effeminate role when I engage, sexually or romantically, with guys. I have adopted a bit of a personification to this behavior too and I call her “Stephanie”. Stephanie is someone I do not hate, do not feel bad about and do not have any negative feelings connected. In fact, I found great comfort in her when I kept my last blog. The problem I had with Stephanie in my last blog, is that I eventually found myself hiding completely with in her and I still like and value the very male-ness of myself when presented to the world. I still value my naturally masculine nature, but Stephanie allowed me to explore the feminine nature of myself that I believe I possess too.
Anyways, Stephanie doesn’t appear as often as Hilda. In fact, I rarely mention her now, because I have a bit of a controversial theory of gender as compared to a lot of people (although, it probably agrees with the majority of people). And, I haven’t needed Stephanie as much as I used to, so she has kind of drifted to obscurity in my mind. But there have been times I have felt comforted and nurtured by her, however, her origin has a bit of a naughty nature to it, so if you’re not wanting to read a sexual story, I’d stop reading now. Also, I am winging this story from memory, so there may be some facts that are liberally used because I’m telling a story and my story is affected as much by emotion as it is by experience.
Many years ago (30+ maybe?), when I was a teen (Maybe 14 or 15 at the time), I had a friend who lived across the street from me. His name was Kristopher and we were roughly the same age. Well, we used to hang around together and we’d play football, basketball or whatever sport in the street – along with other neighbor hood kids. And, as teen boys do, we would razz each other about many things – who’s faster, stronger, etc. We would also rip on each other’s mothers or parents’ marital status, etc. I’m sure you get the picture here.
Well, one day, one of us found out what the other’s mother would have named us, if we had been born a girl. That, of course, earned the same kind of investigation in retribution. So, my mother would have named me Stephanie and Kris would have been named Amber, if we were born girls. So, we would begin taunting each other by calling each other our girl names. Basically, good natured boys ripping each other left and right trying to dominate one another – really, a psychological “King of the Hill”, if you will. And this was all teasing, until something happened one night.
It was a summer evening, and after a day of hanging outside all day long, and the other kids heading home, Kris invited me over to his house. And he said, “Hey Stephanie…wanna come over? I wanna show you something…” Jokingly, I said, “I’m not that kind of girl, so keep it in your pants.” We went over to his house and then went to his back yard. I was a little surprised, but there were a couple of lawn chairs set up as if to accommodate a couple of people in a somewhat romantic interaction. The lights coming from the windows in his house didn’t shine in the area the chairs were set up and Kris motioned for me to sit in one of the chairs as he sat in the other.
Then, quietly he said, “Do you think we’d be friends if you were actually Stephanie…?”
I looked at him and said, “Yeah…probably, I mean we met because I moved in across the street.”
Then he smirked and said, “Well…I mean, what if I were still a guy and you were the girl. Do you think we’d be friends…?”
I felt my chest tighten a little and my breath caught in my throat as my mouth seemed to dry up as I tried to inspect what he was implying, “What do you mean?”
Then Kris stood up and grabbed my hand, and looked down into my eyes. I felt myself grow incredibly weak as if a small form of terror and panic was beginning to grip me and yet, I was hoping for something. But I didn’t fully understand what that would be, and then Kris said, “I want you to be my girlfriend, Stephanie.”
With a slight giggle and pulling my hand back, I said “Shut up….!”
Kris then grinned and we both looked back towards his house as if someone was going to catch us in some teenaged act of love and affection. Then he asked me, “Would you suck my cock, Stephanie…?”
It was almost like I couldn’t help myself at that point. I nodded my head and and mouthed the word “Yes” as Kris grinned even bigger. I then took a position on my knees in front of Kris and began to undo the button and zipper on his jean shorts. He put a hand on my head and began stroking it. I could momentarily see myself as one of those porn stars I had seen before. The male actor running his fingers through my hair as I began to take him into my mouth as a young attractive young woman. Of course we were neither of those.
By this time, I already had Kris’ shorts and underwear down around his ankles, and I had his penis in my hand as I was stroking him to an erection. I looked up at him and he was smiling and said, “Kiss it Steph. Kiss my cock.”
He had such command over me, and I pursed my lips together and began to kiss the head of his dick. I could feel it beginning to swell in my hand and the head of his penis began to push my lips apart. “Mmmm….Stephanie…that feels so good”, Kris encouraged me.
I opened my mouth and Kris pushed himself in and he hit the back of my throat as I gagged a little. I could hear him moaning as I closed my eyes and began to bob my head up and down, sliding my tongue out and allowing the saliva to coat the shaft of his penis. Although I had a little experience giving head by this time, Kris was not outwardly aware of my sexuality, but his denial of his own was causing my inner Stephanie to be born.
I loved the way he kept calling me Stephanie and at some point, he even began saying things like, “That’s my girl”, which encouraged me to keep him in my mouth. I began to taste a little pre-cum in my mouth and I was using my hands and mouth the best I knew how in my limited experience. And I looked up at him and Kris looked down at me and said, “Gawd, you suck my dick so good Steph…”
It was like my permission slip, as I began to take him all the way down my throat. I was gagging, but I took him all the way down and he grabbed my head and buried his hips into my face over and over and I could feel his cock swelling and tightening so much in my mouth. I did the best I could and couldn’t handle much more as he pulled out and I began to stroke him and ask him, “How did you like that, baby? Do you want me to be your girlfriend? I can do this again for you. I want to do this for you!”
Kris’ head rolled back and his knees weakened and buckled as he had an orgasm. He spurt all over my hands and some ended up squirting on my face. He practically fell back onto his chair, looking half spent. I got up and noticed the erection I had in my own pants – I felt oddly guilty for having one, because in that moment, I felt like I was a girl. I felt like this was my role – having a boyfriend and being his girlfriend.
It could not have ended any quicker as one of Kris’ brother’s opened the back door and yelled for him. Luckily, no one saw what we had just done, but Kris said a quick good bye and I ran home and went into the bathroom to clean-up before anyone at my home could notice. I was shocked, amazed, and oddly fulfilled in what occurred.
Unfortunately, Kris and I never “dated” as boyfriend and girlfriend and we never had another encounter again. It wasn’t long and summer was over and school had begun again and then live happened and I have never seen Kris again. But, I had a new friend at that time and her name was Stephanie.