Yesterday, I was having a conversation with a friend on Twitter about being bisexual and being married. The conversation began, because I ran into someone yesterday – a guy – that I found absolutely mesmerizing and I had a definitive physiological reaction to him (if you catch my drift). I had made a comment about it on Twitter that initiated the conversation we had about my marriage and being bisexual. Some may not know, but there is a term for the kind of marriage I have and it’s commonly referred to as a mixed-orientation marriage, since my wife is straight and I’m bisexual.
Well, my friend had inquired about my wife allowing me to have sex with guys. And, the reality, in our marriage, is that there is an expectation of monogamy. Although, we have had multiple times we have separated, and I came dangerously close to finding someone else, we have not made a practice of having relationships outside of our marriage. Granted, the conversation about an open-marriage has come up between my wife and I before, but we have never gone beyond talking about it. My wife has a fear that she would be replaced, or I would prefer someone other than her. And, truthfully, I love my wife and I do not want her to have to worry about something like that.
My Twitter friend had mentioned that if she were married to a bisexual man, she would want him to fulfill his needs. The reality is, of course, that I do suppress those distinct needs – because a man has one thing a woman doesn’t, obviously. And, I have never really thought it was a good idea to have a male lover outside of the marriage, if it were to create a rift in my marriage. Ultimately, the conversation with my friend had created a bit of a desire in myself with the idea that maybe I should explore this part of myself a little more.
Obviously, I have had some experience, but I have not had as much experience with guys as I have had with women. And I ponder this sometimes, but I ponder it only when
I think my marriage is over. I hadn’t really thought about being open in my marriage and remain committed to my wife while engaging in playful sex with guys I meet. I think I will remain monogamous, but sometimes I contemplate this…
But should I?