This morning, during a conversation on Twitter, I mentioned the fact that I’m married and almost 50 (I’m 46) years old, means my bisexuality is irrelevant. Honestly, there are times when I feel like having people recognize and accept my sexuality is validating and empowering. I feel like this is an important part of building my own self-image over the matter, since I have spent so many years in denial about my sexuality. But I also feel like there is sort of this ‘meh’ about it all. I mean, it’s not like I’m dating or looking and it seems as if it might be something that is irrelevant. Add on top of that, that I’m married and attempting to make my marriage work, having any inclinations outside of my marriage would seemingly thwart those efforts, so there is another aspect of my sexuality being irrelevant.

As one might expect, the conversation on Twitter, somewhat refuted the idea that sexuality is irrelevant. And I get it, our individual sexual inclinations will have the direct effect of motivating us towards a certain relationship. Obviously, heterosexual people will engage in opposite sex relationships, homosexual people will engage in same-sex relationships and bisexual people are open to relationships with either gender. So, I grasp the idea that sexual orientation has relevance in that respect.

But sometimes, I ponder, if there is an ideal attitude? Would it really matter, if sexual orientation was simply as accepted as red hair, or blue eyes, or being short or tall, or whatever individual characteristic we may or may not be born with? Sometimes, I think relevance has meaning because of the importance we put on it.  I don’t believe I am at that stage of enlightenment in my own self-acceptance, but I can see that it might be the point that our society can finally claim some sort of accomplishment.

Is it relevant that I am bisexual? Does it matter to you? What level of importance do you put on sexual orientation?


24 thoughts on “Irrelevant

  1. None. It matters not, in the least, to me whether someone’s hetero, bi, gay. It’s really none of my business, frankly. And certainly shouldn’t be any basis for judging one’s character or otherwise. The only thing I judge is whether a person is an asshole, regardless of race, sex, religion, or sexual orientation. And, actually, the word “judge” is not entirely accurate. I don’t judge anyone. But, if they’re a turd, I have zero tolerance, and I move along.

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  2. As a cis-hetero chick I might just be talking out my ass, but my sense is that people don’t “get” bisexuality to the same extent they “get” homosexuality. I’ve always thought, though, that bi made the most sense out of anything. It’s so delightfully non-discriminatory.

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  3. In general, I don’t think it matters. Sexuality is so personal that to know someone’s sexual orientation/identity almost seems like an invasion of privacy. With that said, one of my daughters identifies as bisexual and very private. Although I ask her just as many questions as her sister, somehow it feels like an invasion of privacy, instead of me just asking questions.

    I feel like I rambled. Hope you heard my point lol

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  4. It is very damned relevant since we’re talking about a part of you and no matter what the opinions of others are. See, it’s one thing to be as bisexual as I am and at a high level think that it’s not a big deal, not because it’s irrelevant but because it’s just the way I’ve always been and there’s no need for me to question myself about it… but it still means something even if it only means something to me.

    What others think is… what they think. Now, like sonofabeach says, if you’re bi, gay, whatever, it’s not gonna make me react badly knowing this but it is still relevant because it tells me something about you and, chances are, something about you that not a whole lot of people know about. It represents a kinship of sorts; I’m bisexual, you’re bisexual and even if we behave differently in this, we do – and still – have something relevant and in common with each other.

    Being married doesn’t make bisexuality irrelevant and, honestly, I’m not sure why you’d even think that since the two things aren’t even related like that. I’m 63 and staring 65 in the face… and my bisexuality is very damned relevant to me and simply because it’s a part of what and who I am so how can it be irrelevant and it implies that I don’t have a good image of myself and that, my friend, is a major problem.

    Granted, being married makes being bisexual a royal bitch… still doesn’t make it irrelevant… because your sexuality – anyone’s sexuality – is a part of them and I’ll say it again and again: If you think it doesn’t mean anything, then there is something very, very wrong. Granted: Being bisexual might be a major point of frustration and even confusion but given that there’s nothing unusual about that, it doesn’t equate to be irrelevant.

    It is relevant because as a human being, YOU are relevant. Now it may not matter if you’re able to actively be bisexual so you can get dick the way you want it but that’s not the same as being bisexual meaning nothing at all. And I do wonder that if you were to get you some dick and, I dare say, more than you’re probably unwilling to admit to, would being bisexual still be irrelevant?

    Don’t make me stop this car!

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  5. The ideal attitude is not to sweat it; you know you’re bisexual and how you are as well as being active or not and nothing anyone else says to the contrary can ever change that. True, some bisexuals give more weight to their sexuality than others; some because they’re trying to figure out whether to do or do not, many more because of the social angst and, classically, not wanting to be fingered as some kind of sexual freak or deviant.

    Once a bisexual gets comfortable with being bisexual, many don’t think about it but I maintain that it’s still relevant because it’s you and no one that I know is irrelevant; your sexuality just is whatever it is even when no one else thinks you should be in your chosen orientation.

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  6. It has never mattered to me. I want to hang out with someone because I like them and who they chose to sleep with doesn’t weigh in on anything. If someone I meet has a fun conversation about things that’s all that matters. I’m seeing more and more of this type of attitude and I hope it continues.

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  7. I am Susi, all labels are just descriptive about what are just pieces of me. The only relevance is it helps people understand me a bit. How it’s relevant to me is I know what I like to pursue. But the most important thing, it’s up to me to accept those things about me. When I do, then all that follows with respect to those labels is harmony within me. I wish you the same!

    Liked by 1 person

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