I’m not sure why it scares me so much, but I made an appointment to see a therapist. I’m scheduled for this Friday. I know I’ve been combating a lot of demons – alcohol abuse, depression, self-image and self-esteem, relationship conflicts, hopelessness, anxiety, sexuality, financial stress, etc. It’s a smorgasbord of mental bullshit, but it’s long over due.

The last therapist I saw was just over four years ago. She helped me tremendously and I felt a sense of love for her and the process. She was the first person I discussed my sexuality with in detail and she was focused on helping me see the destructive nature of my thoughts and thinking. She was also the one that handed me a list of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and literally ordered me to go. She helped me, tremendously.  I haven’t seen another therapist, since, and she is no longer available because she moved back to her home state. So, I called my doctor’s office and received a referral for a mental health group that my insurance approves.

I have some apprehension though. Obviously, getting to understand a new therapist and that therapist getting to know me is a process. How will I know, if she (I always choose female therapists, because they always seem to understand emotions better than male therapists – intuition, I’m sure) is just as accepting as my last one? Then, of course, the costs. There are always deductibles and co-payments and when you’re struggling financially, this creates additional stress for me. Additionally, the insurance company set me up with a therapist that has a “Christian perspective to therapy” – and my sexuality might be a conflict. So, I am worried…that’s for sure.

But, I need it. I know I need it. I haven’t written it out or shared it with anyone, but I have had some majorly dark thoughts – they may or may not have been suicidal – and I know I have been in crisis before. I’m not a danger to myself at the moment and I believe I’m thinking rationally, so I believe this is the right course of action. I feel like I’m on the right course and I am using my BMJ to assist in that, but I also think that I am in need of a course of action that brings about a long term solution to my issues. Ultimately, I’m going to be open-minded.

27 thoughts on “Therapy

  1. I’m happy that you are seeking therapy.

    Well, I don’t want to sound like a Debbie Downer, but my professional opinion is that “Christian Counselors” don’t want to see a patient with sexual identity issues. If she is a true Christian Counselor, she doesn’t believe in issues with gender. I know that from personal expense with LGBTQ+++ people were referred to me when their sexual identification was anything but “Straight”
    I hope I am wrong concerning this one.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. And you have every right to do so! Therapy is such a personal and vulnerable place to be and if you even think there’s an issue, move on. There are lots of qualified and amazing therapists out there. You’ll find another one you can relate to. I know it’s a little scary but you can do this. I’m lending you some of my kick-ass I can do this-ness! 😉 Trust the universe and trust yourself to know what your soul is asking for. I’m proud of you! It takes a strong and brave person to admit they need help. I’m officially tying the cape around your neck and declaring you SUPER HERO EXTRAORDINAIRE!!! Sending love sweetie. ❤

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Offhand, I’d say most people would be scared to see a therapist because they’ll be asked to talk about themselves and reveal some stuff that, perhaps, they’d rather not let anyone know about. I see this as a normal kind of reaction.

    The thing that got my attention was the insurance company’s recommendation; if my insurance carrier made a suggestion like that, I would totally shred them for such an inappropriate thing, like Christianity is gonna help me solve my issues – and if one of them is my sexuality – and I know that religion ain’t exactly bi-friendly and such a therapist would be duty bound to get me not to be bisexual.

    I would go ape-shit on the insurance company and make them insist on some anger management sessions.

    And. Oceanswater, I don’t think you’re wrong.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Oh, okay – you probably just saved my health insurance carrier’s life. Still, that’s a therapist I’d not select because the last thing I needs is a lesson in Christian behaviors and mandates and that’s not gonna help me fix my other issues… if I had any.

        Liked by 2 people

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