Today, in my Beautiful Me Journal I am describing what the word “Beautiful” means to me. The word beauty has some serious connotations and perspective attached to it. And in the book, I’m following, I think I fall in line with how the author described most women define beauty – and they are quite different when the definitions are directed inward as compared to when the word is attached to someone else.
Without a doubt, I have a shallow definition of the word when applied to myself. I described many of the things I don’t like about myself in a previous post. And I attach a visually aesthetic definition to the word when I think about it being used to describe me. It doesn’t go without saying that I probably have some mild body dysphoric issues. I have struggled with my body image for quite some time, and there are certainly some times when I have questioned if I am even the correct gender assigned to my body – suffice it to say that I have engaged in some cross-dressing that has, at times, made me feel pretty; but it doesn’t make much sense when I gaze at myself in a mirror while in a dress or skirt. But even in living within my own masculine view of myself, I fall short of seeing something aesthetically pleasing. I’ve not felt tall enough, nor strong enough, nor fast enough. And gawd forbid I attract any girl (or guy, as the case may be) of my dreams…
But, how do I used the word when I describe someone else? I can certainly appreciate the superficial and aesthetically pleasing, but the things that truly get me are those people that are compassionate, people whom have a passion for life, a level of confidence (not to be confused with arrogance), and kindness. Qualities that people have in their personality are what I think of when I wonder about a person’s beauty. And that’s the dichotomy of it all, right?
What we see on the outside of a person, versus what we encounter from a person’s soul are often not the same thing. Once, can ruin or enhance the other, I believe. And as I write this, I can feel a little more focus on my own soul. Maybe part of the reason I feel so unattractive, so lacking in beauty is because I don’t share enough of who I am in my being.
So, what are your thoughts?
What do you believe defines “beauty”?