This is a really tough post to write in my Beautiful Me Journal. It’s tough, not because I am unsure of how I have been championed, but rather, it’s tough because thinking about it is extremely humbling. I have been championed in a number of ways and by many. many people – online and in real life. It makes me realize that I might actually owe it to so many people to offer a better version of myself. I have been in really dark places and I have experienced some extremely low emotions and there have been a lot of people that have offered encouragement and help in many ways. So, for that, I am truly grateful and truly humbled thinking about it all. And truthfully, there are so many, it would be difficult to name each person here and I would feel bad, if I inadvertently left someone off the list.
In the book I’m following, the author has offered two questions to be answered in our BYJ (what I call my BMJ). Here are the two questions as well as a summary of my thoughts on each:
Are there moments in your life when you have felt championed?
Short answer: Fuck yeah! Oh my gawsh…I wouldn’t even know where to begin, but I’ll offer a few examples. As a kid when I struggled with confidence and I was given the advice to look in a mirror and tell myself I loved me. I had also struggled with school until later in my youth, but there was always encouragement to do better and keep trying. I’ve also mentioned in previous posts that I do TaeKwon-Do and I can’t begin to tell you all of the people throughout the years that have offered encouragement and support. It’s been phenomenal! Coming to terms with my sexuality has been a good portion of the causes in which people have championed me, but the people that have allowed me to open up and discuss it has been paramount – let alone the people that openly accept me for it. Dealing with depression and anxiety is a tough matter, but no one has ever refused to help or listen and the compassion I have felt from others has been awesome! Losing my career a few years ago was not fun, but I have had people assist, help, encourage, refuse to allow me to give up. And, obviously, my struggle with alcohol has been championed by so many when I discuss it.
There is no way to capture every situation nor every person that has helped me along the way and I, sincerely, get tears in my eyes as I think about the people that have helped me out.
What were those experiences like and what did you learn from them?
I think I’ve expressed what they were like up above: Humbling and encouraging. But what I have learned is the fact that I am too harshly critical of myself and I have learned that I can’t control anything external to my being. I can only make the decisions that are positive and serves my well being. I believe that I have learned that I am only human and that I can and will make mistakes along the way.