Okay, before I get to the intention of this day’s Beautiful Me Journal request, I have to say that the author is really getting personal. Granted, I realize she is trying to help us determine and realize our inner beauty, but I can recognize that she is already delving down into the serious issues. For example, today’s entry is focused on describing ourselves. And I’m going to do that. I’m going to describe myself and I’m also fighting an urge to be honest versus being positive. And by honest, I mean I still have a problem seeing myself as physically beautiful – I’m just not. So, since there is a split in my thinking here, that’s how I’m going to make the entry: A physical appearance and how I see myself, internally.
Physically: I’m 5’6″ and according to the scale this morning, I am 287.4 lbs. I’m balding on top. My body is covered with hair. I have a pudgy face. My blonde hair is beginning to silver. Obviously, from the height and weight, you can quickly surmise my BMI – 44.9, or obese. I feel like the effects of age are really showing – years of drinking coffee hasn’t helped me look pretty either – not to mention all of the beer I drank in the past several years. And last week, I felt like I was embracing Stephanie a little more, but today I’m extremely aware how well I look like a neanderthal. I’m a mixture of fat, hair and unused and buried muscle.
But I have dimples… And blue eyes. Apparently, my eyes are nice to look at.
Mentally/Emotionally/Intellectually: I’ve always valued my intelligence. I feel like it’s the one thing I have going for me. I won’t claim a propriety over intelligence, because it’s always been my belief when you think you’re smart enough then you stop learning. Learning is where it’s at, ya know? I’ve also always valued being compassionate and conscientious of others. Have I done this successfully 100% of the time? No, of course not, but it is something I continue to strive to do. I also have weird sense of humor – sometimes dry, sometimes sarcastic, sometimes ironic, sometimes raunchy, sometimes age appropriate for the audience (hahahaha!).
So, this is me. I can appreciate some things about me, but I can’t hide the fact that I’m still struggling with some things I don’t like about myself. Obviously, I have the hope of not caring about those things anymore and I’m continuing down this path, because I find it to be enhancing the real me – whomever I am.