I’ve often heard that the best way to build my self-esteem is to perform things that are esteemable. I certainly love that thought and that idea. At one time, I felt like anyone/everyone could rely on me for favors, assistance and help. Somewhere, somehow, it feels like I have become someone that is no longer dependable to others.I’m not sure how or why, but no one ever asks me for help now. I have theories, but I don’t trust my own perception anymore, so I tend to ignore those thoughts and feelings. But, I get how doing things for others can change how one thinks and acts and can see the positive feel-goods they give others. It’s a beautiful thing, really.
But, nowadays, I feel like I don’t even know what to do or how to do it. I’m not sure if it’s the feeling of always being overwhelmed. I don’t know if it’s because I no longer seem to understand what should or should not be prioritized. I’m not sure if my actions towards others are welcome or appreciated. I’m filled with utter doubt on many of these things. I don’t even know what I would be interested in doing for others, because it seems like my patience and attention span completely stinks.
And, sadly, I feel isolated from the world. Although it is a self-imposed (there’s a lot to this, but I must be responsible for myself) reality, it is still a hindrance in my life I don’t know how to break and I know it is preventing me from engaging in the world. But, I also feel like I just don’t know what to do or how to do it.
But in today’s Beautiful Me Journal, the author of this book is asking me to list the things I already do. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like I do anything now, so I’ll list things I have done before:
- Volunteered for church activities
- When I was engaged in TaeKwon-Do, I always volunteered to help with any event, any activity, any way I can be involved.
- After high school, I had a teacher ask me to help out with a summer school program to help tutor some of the kids that had struggled
- Whenever family had some project – painting, fence building, yard clean-up, whatever, I always accepted the request.
- others, etc.