I have a smile on my face and I feel beautiful.

I’m tired.

I’m exhausted.

My feet hurt.

I’m feeling sore.

I have a smile on my face.

I have been whining and bitching and complaining about my life for so damned long, I’ve forgotten that I am a capable person. I had also forgotten that I am a positive and optimistic person. I let go of my confidence for far too long. I have personality characteristics that I had begun to hate, when I used to love them. But today, I am smiling and I am willing to feel good again.

This past couple of weeks, I had been engaged in a new job – a second job, actually. I’ve been working as a server at a Restaurant and Taproom a few miles from where I live. The new employer has agreed to allow me to work evenings and weekends, so I can maintain working at my primary job. I am finally seeing a pathway through the murkiness of my financial situation. It’s not a permanent solution, and I know this, but it’s going to provide me a way to stay afloat until I can find a more permanent solution.

Of course, that word “permanent” is a bit of a farce, isn’t it? I think I got too comfortable in my previous career and simply made the assumption that I would be able to do that forever. The mere idea of permanence is delusion I think we tell ourselves to reassure ourselves that everything will be okay. I have always believed that everything is temporary and nothing is permanent, but I have not lived as if that’s the case. No, I have hung on to crap that I should have let go a lot time ago. And now, I think I’m finally beginning to do that.

I feel good about my acceptance. I feel good that I can say to myself that it’s okay to feel the way I feel about life, the things around me, myself, my relationship, whatever. It’s okay to feel. I used to think that feeling was a weakness, that I shouldn’t feel. On some level, I think that I was merely avoiding the things in my life that would impact my feelings in a negative way. But now, I’m beginning to embrace my emotional state as something that simply is. As much as I hate the phrase, I think I have finally understood that sometimes “It is what it is”.

I know that I am struggling. I know that I have challenges right now. But I also believe I am facing them. I’m being positive. I’m giving myself a break and I’m not being overly critical of myself. Do I see a light at the end of the tunnel? Not quite yet, but there is a path in front of me and I can either stay in the dark or I can feel my way down this path and see where it leads.

I feel good today.

I feel positive today.

I feel empowered today.

I feel a sense of happiness today.

Today, I feel beautiful.

18 thoughts on “I have a smile on my face and I feel beautiful.

  1. 💕 keep trucking along and it will all work out. Trust me life isn’t all sunshine’s and rainbows but having a goal and trying is better then giving up. There is a light at the end… even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. Sending you hugs 🤗

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much, lovely lady. I am feeling more encouraged than I have felt in a long time. I’m simply trying to live my life a day at a time and just take things as they happen instead of worrying about every little thing all at once.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s all you can do. I never set large goals but instead mini goals that are easier to accomplish. Plus, if we spend to much time worrying about all the little details and things that we can’t do anything about… we miss out on other things. So, take it one day at a time. Set aside a few minutes a day… bathroom/coffee/road rage breaks lol to do something for yourself and recharge. 💕😘

        Liked by 1 person

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