I’ve described my depression like a wave before. Almost like you’re sitting or standing on a beach when the water crashes in and sweeps you off your feet and pulls you under. I can’t find the post I made on this and it might actually be something I posted on my previous blog. But really, I’m too blah to go look for it, else, I’d simply repost it.
I hate to admit it, but I think I’m ready to admit defeat and stop fighting. I feel like letting the waters carry me out to sea and find out if I’m able to float or swim. Or just sink. I find myself fighting so hard and not getting anywhere. Almost like my feet have sunk into sand that has been inundated by the waters filling in the spaces between the particles.
Maybe it’s all over.
Maybe I fought with all of my strength and I’m just too exhausted. I never wanted to be a failure, but maybe I am. Maybe I just give in to everything I can no longer control. Maybe every single negative thing I ever heard about myself….hell, said to myself in my life is true. Maybe those are not tears on my face any longer, but the water surrounding my head…
The wetness enveloping me, choking me off, and the lack of oxygen is making my thoughts delusional.
And so, I fight a little more until my arms, legs, lungs, everything is so weary my entire body just fails.
How can I possibly resuscitate myself?