BMJ: Day 38 – Identify Your Go-To Girl

I wanted to start this entry to my Beautiful Me Journal with a direct quote from the author of Beautiful You:

“Every woman should have a person she goes to when she needs understanding, perspective, comfort, or commiseration.”

I love this idea. I’ve always wanted that and I have a tough time understanding if there are people available to me for that. I have some friendships online that I really value, but I don’t know that I have just one “go-to girl” like the author suggests. Rather, I have a few I am pretty open with, but sometimes I feel like I am a burden in a lot of ways. I’ve never had a tough time making friendships, really, because I think I’m fairly likable. But, I also know I really struggle with intimacy (and I don’t mean sexual intimacy) with respect to vulnerability. It’s even something I’ve had a therapist express that I’ll never understand true intimacy until I am able to be vulnerable.

But I think I understand somethings about friendship too, but one thing I value is honesty. I need that one girl that is willing to be critical of my thoughts, behavior and actions. The one woman that because she cares about me, she is willing to tell me the hard truths. But I also want someone to be willing to validate how I feel and can maintain utter confidentiality to the things I need to hold onto because it might seem like I’m on unsteady ground with everything in my life.

I have no one like that in my real life. I don’t know if that person actually exists that we could call each other or meet occasionally for a chat. Nor, do I even think it is practical for me because of my life. Granted, I do have a couple of women I speak with in confidence on Twitter, but there is always something that makes one cautious about online interactions. I don’t know why, but it is what is is, right?  And, sometimes, online things seem very fickle. Sometimes, you think you may have found that confidante, but then she disappears or stops talking to you altogether and it makes you feel very alone and abandoned too.

But in this section, the author also suggests that it is important that as I pick a “go-to girl” that I be willing to offer her the same that I’m requesting of her. I think I have done that for a few women online, but as I mentioned in the last paragraph, sometimes it feels like the conversations begin to fade after time and then you’re no longer speaking with that woman for whatever unknown reason.  Of course, I am quite self-conscious of my abilities to be a “go-to girl” for another woman too. I mean, what if I just completely suck at being a good sounding board? What if I’m not offering the “understanding, perspective, comfort or commiseration” that she needs when she comes seeking me?  Maybe that’s the reason I haven’t been able to be a confidante for someone else.

Either way, I do have a couple of women that I would consider for a my Go-To Girl position and I just don’t know how to even approach something like that, But I’m more than willing to be either of their Go-To Girl (Can I even say that?) too.

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