I had kept a blog, previous to this one, in which I was going through this same guide that I’m going through in my Beautiful Me Journal. In fact, I had discussed the very topic that I’m discussing today: Passion. I don’t remember everything I discussed in that particular entry, but I know I feel different now than I did then, so, I think it is important to rediscover what it is I love. The author in this guide makes a statement I am really paying attention to on this topic. She says, “Becoming passionate about something, and then investing time and energy in it, adds vitality to our lives.”
It’s no secret that I have suffered from depression and when I read this statement, it hits a bit of a sensitive spot for me. One of the things about depression that sucks is that it pulls vitality out of you in such a way that you no longer have the desire to pursue your passions. But one of the things I kept hearing in therapy and in AA meetings is the idea of “Fake it until you make it”. Truthfully, I have not gracefully embraced that concept. In fact, I steered so far clear from it because I knew without a doubt doing the things I enjoy would make me feel good (Another lovely thing about depression is the almost addiction like quality of doing the exact opposite of what is good for you) and I didn’t want to feel good because somehow in my life I felt guilty feeling good.
But it’s a stupid feeling. I want to feel good.
So, I took a bold step this week and placed a boundary on one of my jobs. I asked to have two night off each week for the sole purpose of returning to something I have always loved: Taekwon-Do. It is something that I have been doing for over 30 years, but when my depression was full blown it had taken a major back seat in my life and it collected a layer of dust. And now, my job has approved my request to have those two nights off, so I can return to it.
But this isn’t my only passion. Honestly, I have tons of interests and all of them have taken a back seat in recent years. I love the mountains and I love hiking. I would also like to take up climbing. A few years ago I took a couple of classes and absolutely loved the intensity of that type of exercise. Plus, have you seen the back muscles on climbers? Soooo sexy! I also love Astronomy and I miss the telescope I used to have before I sold it. These are all things I wish to get back to doing. And another thing I love? My family. I hate to say it, but I have neglected my involvement in family matters and affairs because I had spent so much time focused inward and trying to heal the emotional cancer of depression.
And now, it’s beyond time for me to return to the beauty of my life, the beauty of my passions and ultimately the beauty of my soul.
I am feeling more beautiful than I have in a long time.