BMJ: Day 54 – Reflect on Your Self-Care

To say I don’t do enough self-care would be a huge understatement. There is no doubt  that I do not take any time for self-care. Of course, writing in this little Beautiful Me Journal like I’m doing is helping little ol’ me quite a bit. And, I am enjoying sharing my thoughts, feelings and emotions with respect to this blog series. I’m finding the writing to be therapeutic, which is good, and I probably have a kazillion excuses for why I don’t do more self-care.  But suffice it to say that the primary reason I’ve stopped with self-care is because of cost and a lack of money, but I’m sure I can take some things up again. Some things are a little more difficult for me to wrap my head around and come to terms with feeling good or feeling stupid.

As many of you know, this is not the first time I’ve worked on this little guide. In fact, while I kept my last blog, I did this very activity and listed some things that I wanted to do that made me feel like I was caring for myself.

Okay, I’m beating around the bush…

I started shaving my legs. Yes, it’s a highly feminine thing to do and I’m not female. But back then, I felt really good with my legs bare. It felt sleek and I thought the process really relaxed me. Honestly, it soothed many, many, many of my anxious thoughts at the time. At the time, I even posted pictures of my freshly shaved legs and I got a lot of compliments. But I started feeling really, really self-conscious about it and thought maybe I should (there’s that damned word again…) stop doing it. In fact, the way this kind of thing began to make me feel was what prompted me to kill that blog and never go back to it. There were other things I was doing that were considered particularly feminine, but it was really making me feel good at the time. I was getting manicures, pedicures, shaving my legs, wearing panties, etc., etc. (There’s more, but it’s not worth mentioning now).

I think I’m getting lost in my thoughts a little as I’m writing this and drifting away, but I wanted to point out that some of the things I happened to be doing as a means of self-care had also become an internal point of contention: I have a penis and I’m biologically male. And, I just began to feel stupid about doing those things – I never felt like I could ever really look or feel feminine, so I simply stopped and backed away from everything I was feeling. It was causing me to hate myself too – always in a subsequent way.

Did it hurt anyone? No, of course not. Did I feel good about it? Yes, for a time and then it changed. Anyways, there were other things I would do that I felt were self-care too. I was trying to quit drinking, I was trying to eat healthy and I was trying to exercise regularly too…

I’m starting to ramble and not even sure why I’m mentioning any of this, because I really doubt I’ll ever go back to that or do it again (other than pedicures). The point of today’s entry is to come up with daily things I can do to give myself some self-care. The problem is that I don’t really know…I feel like I have so many changes to make in my life, that it’s hard to change things without disrupting other things I feel like I need to do.  I know, I’m focused on building my spirituality, repairing my health and improving my financial situation.

But daily? What five tangible things could I do on a daily basis that are focused on self care?

Basic hygiene is the only thing that comes to mind.

I’m open to suggestions, of course…

4 thoughts on “BMJ: Day 54 – Reflect on Your Self-Care

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