It’s been quite a while since I last wrote in my Beautiful Me Journal (BMJ), but after the way I was feeling last week, I decided to get back on track and keep working on my own personal beauty. Honestly, I’m not going to focus on how I felt last week, nor why, but I will say that I track my Emotional Well Being and on a scale of 10 to -10, I was hitting a -8. Here is the chart I’ve kept for the past couple of months:
The important part of this understanding is that my emotions have been sporadic and on a downward trend. So, rather than focus on the how and the why, I’m going to simply remind myself to get back on track. And today’s BMJ entry, as recommended by the author of the book I’ve been following is to focus on personal goals. She recommends not focusing on material goals or money goals, because the research she cited shows that happiness is achieved by meeting personal goals and not material goals – so that is my focus.
I’ve mentioned (though, I’m not gonna go search for the link) in a previous post what my goals are, and I even have them pinned on my Twitter profile:
“Three things I need to change:
- My spirituality
- My health
- My financial status”
These three seem rather broad, but at the beginning of the year, I sat down with pen and paper and made specific goals and tasks I wanted to do to try and work on these. Call them resolutions, if you will, but ultimately I have not been successful at meeting them. But a list of 42 specific items can seem a little daunting.
There is something that holds me back, and I know it – it’s Hilda. And ultimately, I allow her to control how I feel – she wants nothing but my own self-destruction, but it’s time to put that bitch in her place and go back to focusing on my personal goals. And at this point it reminds me of something I heard a lot when I was attending AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings: When a farmer gets a mule stuck in a ditch, the farmer doesn’t worry about how the mule got stuck in the ditch; rather, he just gets the mule out of the ditch. Hilda is my mule, but she’s worse, she might need to be left in the ditch. It’s time for me to focus on getting myself out of the ditch.
Today, I will not drink.
Today, I will make a list of 5 gratitude.
Today, I’ll keep looking for opportunities to improve my situation.
I can do these, for today.