I really feel like I am more engaged in Cultivating Stephanie lately and I truly feel like I’m making progress in tapping into and realizing a more Beautiful Me! Today, I’m continuing my Beautiful Me Journal (BMJ) my “Designing Me Life”, as the author in this book suggests. She asks a few questions in today’s entry and I’m going to answer them as best I can:
What would my ideal life look like?
Oh my gosh, this really is a big question, isn’t it? Honestly, I haven’t thought about what my ideal life would look like in quite some time. In some respects, as I deal with my alcoholism, I am trying to live each day as it comes – in spite of the fact, that I have already put some changes into effect to make this happen. Honestly, my ideal life would be one full of joy, a sense of purpose and an ability to share myself with others in a way that is positive and inspiring. I’m finding each new day with a much bigger desire to make the empowerment Stephanie gives me to be more of a matter of fact in my life, as I reduce the influence of Hilda more and more.
What would each day look like?
I’m working on trying to build upon my spiritual life. Right now, I’m trying to begin each day with The Serenity Prayer, a brief list of 5 things I am grateful for, a prayer for another sober day. I want my days to be full of purpose – something where I am able to use my education, skills and experience to be a positive force for society. Not to bring up anything negative, but my perspective on what’s important is changing – at one time, I felt money was the definition of success, but I have discovered it is not. To me, I want my success to be about what I can do for others, by using everything that God (-dess) has given me. This will change, I’m sure, but I am accepting my path and role as it is. And it has the aspect of making me feel beautiful on the inside. (I wish you guys could see me, I’m actually smiling for a change).
Who would I share it with?
I think this is another big question I’m not quite sure how to answer, so I’m probably going to be somewhat generalized here. But this morning, I had a thought that the kind of person I want to give all of my love to is someone I feel I need, but someone I don’t deserve. I find myself having this desire to be with someone that is as empowering to me as Stephanie is becoming – especially when I step out of the way and let her work her magic. And although “deserve” might seem like a self-deprecating statement, I mean it from a place of humbleness. I mean, what do we really deserve in life anyways? I am finding that I have more peace and serenity when I look at life with a grateful heart. So, I want to share it with someone that we are able to build up each other’s strengths and help each other compensate, positively, for our each other’s weaknesses.
But, I also have a great sense of community than I once had. I am finding that there is nothing of value that doesn’t benefit others around me. Having a spirit of kindness, compassion and love is a far better way to deal with life than anything I had ever felt before. I want this, so much!
Steps to help me move towards my ideal life:
Again, I am going to be somewhat general here, because I recognize this can change as life changes, but having some sort of principles and guidelines is the route to take.
I listed, in previous posts, that I have three goals right now:
- Build upon my Spiritual life
- Improve my health
- Improve my finances.
These are still important and I’m not ready to change these things, but there are a few more things I am working on
- Engage in the AA program
- Work with my sponsor
- Attend AA meetings – online for now and in person when the Covid-19 pandemic can be managed
- Accept myself – character flaws, alcoholism, humanity, imperfections, sexuality, etc.
- Maintain an active relationship with God (-dess)