“How can you be loyal to your partner when you want both?”

Today I was asked question – the one that is the title of this post. It’s an intriguing question. Although I have seen a lot of bisexuals online get offended at such a question (because it usually leads to a series of other questions), I have never, personally, been offended by this line of questioning. The reality for me – and I have mentioned it before – is that questions like this are usually done from a place where people want to understand.

The problem with this question, however, is that it is a bit myopic. Often times, people look at the world in a yes or no fashion. Often times people look at things in black and white terms, and this sort of question kind of encompasses that. I think the part that some bisexuals get offended by is the possible insinuation that they can never be fulfilled – i.e. how can you be satisfied sexually by one partner, if you desire both sexual organs. And I think, for a lot of bisexuals, this degrades their personality, their love, their affections into the single act of sex. And, I think a lot of people are so much more than sex – they tend to be far more encompassing of various characteristics.

I think questions like this have the same quality as “Can you be loyal to your partner?”. It’s an individual choice. And I know for me, that whatever my sexual thoughts or fantasies happen to be, I know I only want to be in a monogamous relationship. And, if my partner – whomever he or she might be at the time – wanted monogamy too, then it is what’s needed to maintain that relationship. For me, the fulfillment I get would come from the mutual empowerment we provide each other, the companionship, the sharing of experiences, the commonality of shared goals and so on and so forth. Granted, some of this might be coming from a place of age and experience, because I would be denying the rampant hormonal charged youth I once was. But that’s sort of the thing in any relationship, isn’t it? What do both people involved want? I think there is always an element of sacrifice within a relationship – typically it’s forsaking all others for the relationship.

These are just my general thoughts on the topic, but there is plenty that can be said.

 

4 thoughts on ““How can you be loyal to your partner when you want both?”

  1. To me it’s the same as anybody with a partner: do you want to be mongamous and do they want that too, or are other options likely to work better for you? It isn’t as simple as ‘like boys–must have all the boys’ or ‘like both–must have everybody’. Age does seem to help with that sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. People want to believe a few things in this like wanting and having are implied – one begets the other; they want to believe that all bisexuals are disloyal and dishonest, can’t be monogamous. what I call the usual dumb shit. It’s easier for them to believe the worst of the matter than to bother with learning the truths. And a lot of bisexuals do get bothered when someone says something like this, not because there’s any truth to it but you just get sick and tired of hearing stuff like this when you know, as an individual, you’ve been nothing but loyal even though, sure – you – not you specifically – have a lot of thoughts about getting what you want because you need it badly and the person you’re with can’t do anything about it except what most tend to do: Make sure you never get what you want and then make your wants and needs all about them.

    You get tired of explaining your position in this because you find out that whatever you’ve said will fall on deaf ears; they hear what you’re saying but they will continue to believe what they believe and no matter how good a job you do explaining that you’re married and dedicated to being loyal to both your partner and the tenets of being married… and no matter how badly you get messed up remaining loyal.

    It’s a problem that is very ancient and few couples have the foresight and mindset to change the rules so that their marriage can be the best they can make it instead of sticking to the way it’s supposed to be and a way that, obviously, doesn’t work as advertised.

    Liked by 1 person

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