I haven’t written in my Beautiful Me Journal (BMJ) in a couple of weeks – and it has a lot to do with this particular topic for this day (If I’m honest, I’ve been a complete bitch lately and feeling sorry for myself and all the other crap going on with my emotional state). I don’t know how to address it, honestly, because I feel a struggle in following a Role Model. But today’s topic, the author of the book I follow on this guideline to life, suggested writing about Role Models. I’m gonna be a little more open-ended and not nearly as direct as she suggests. Answering the questions she poses:
Who are your role Models?
Growing up, I suppose my mom and a couple of my aunts were my role models, but so was my dad, and for different reasons (I think…though, who knows?). I guess as I look back at life, there were so many things that I took and enveloped into my own being that my parents and my mom’s sisters left me that worked pretty well for me. I think as I entered adulthood and I was able to see the flaws of my parents and realized I didn’t get along with my aunts, I began drifting away from them. I also have a martial arts instructor that I have always tried to emulate too. But, there was always something else that I felt was missing. I certainly valued a lot of the things I learned from these people, but I also find myself wondering if I missed out on something else. God knows I have talked extensively about the feminine side of my being, and I think on some level I have always wanted the guidance and insight from a female perspective. With men (other than my dad), I have always felt threatened on some level, but women have always seemed to be thoughtful and caring to me. And, on some level, I have always leaned towards more feminine influence. And now, as I am in my late 40’s, I wonder if that is even possible. Is it even possible for me to gain that type of insight, am I receptive to it?
What do you have in common with them?
I have no idea. I don’t have someone right now I call a role model, but I’m not even sure how to go about looking at the possibility and how to align myself with that person. How would I even go about finding this? Is it weird at this point in my life?
Acquiescent Soul 
Roll model in what way? Like a mentor?
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Yes, I think so. I could use mentor ship for a lot of things.
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Because of my abusive, fractured childhood, I never really had a healthy role model. As I matured I would take on bits and pieces of other peoples personalities that I liked and adapted them for myself. I called this my coat of patchwork personalities. I wore this coat for years and years, never knowing who I really was and always living in some kind of fear. It was later in life, through continuous sobriety and talk therapy, that I finally felt comfortable in my own skin.
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You are inspiring. I know you’ve overcome some major struggles and I am happy to know you.
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I guess what I’m trying to get across is that it’s never too late to change your life.
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Role Models def make the difference
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