BMJ: Day 140 – Harness My Jealousy

I don’t even know where to begin when I go and write about my jealousy, but I’m this entry, the author asks us to consider what makes us jealous. I can say I probs lay have some normal or explainable jealousies but some of them are probs lay weird based on who I am.

For example, I have a strained relationship with my sister. I absolutely hate that she is a high school drop out and doing financially better than I am. She married her childhood boyfriend who is also a high school dropout and because he knows a trade was able to start his own business and is quite successful. My sister supports him and takes care of her children like any great mother and in some way I hate that I didn’t get the life she got. No, I chose to go to school, get a degree and do what I could to be a productive member of society. I didn’t become a mom at 14 years of age. I did everything my parents told me to do and I’m a complete loser now.

I’m also jealous of women in general. I’m jealous of the fact that I’ll never appear pretty, gorgeous or sexy. Granted, being male has a lot to do with that, but I still hate that I have no ability to attract a man in that way. I hate that I can’t look or appear feminine in this sort of way. I am jealous of people who are fit, because I never maintained a high level of fitness.

if I had to admit my jealousies, these are probably the ones that really grind me. But the author doesn’t really want us focused on the jealousy, rather she wants us to look for the positive motivation to make the changes we want.

For me, I just want to get back to working and I feel like I’m doing that. I was working on trying to be healthier, but I have let it go again. I just don’t know where I’m at or what I’m doing in handling my life and now as I write this journal entry, I’m beginning to see it has nothing to do with a mindset of building my inner beauty…

EDIT: P.S. I’m connected to a couple of women on Twitter that I wish I looked like.

2 thoughts on “BMJ: Day 140 – Harness My Jealousy

  1. Interesting. It must be a challenge and I can only say from my experience, jealously is a negative emotion unless you can use it to effect change for your own situation. Use it as motivation but being jealous of things that can’t change might only be hurting you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think, for me, I value changing and I’m willing to make changes for the better, but I think I’m getting hung-up on the fact that I can’t make the results of my life any different. But I’m trying to remain in the light and look for ways I can be positive.

      Liked by 1 person

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