BMJ: Day 142 – Face My Fears

“Worrying paralyzes us…” as the author of Beautiful You puts it in this entry requested for my Beautiful Me Journal (BMJ). And it’s true, worrying really does have an element of stopping you in your tacks of living your life. As much as I hate admitting it, I have the awesome ability of seeing the negative outcome of any decision I am faced with making. I have no idea where I developed this trait in my personality, but it is there. I can even recognize when I’ve tried to work the step program of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), fear is my biggest defect of character – and I am quite sure I’m 100% spot on with that aspect of myself.

Although I haven’t kept this journal on a daily basis (and I even skip ahead when I do read it), I couldn’t help but take notice of this particular topic, since I’ve tried discussing it before. But the author’s recommendation for this entry seemed like it should be done (trust me, I fear facing my fear…as silly as it sounds). So, she recommends listing your fears, followed by creating an action plan to deal with them – like a “to do list”. She goes on to say that if you can’t come up with a way to confront the fear, then let it go.

I’m going to start by listing my fears:

  • Dying alone
  • Getting divorced and being single
  • My sexuality being discovered and having it impact my life negatively
  • Never finding a fulfilling career ever again
  • Losing my home and living under a bridge
  • My experiences in life surrounding gender identity really aren’t just “blips” on the timeline of my life (I flat out have no clue how to face this fear or the other fears involved with this)
  • Losing any relationship I have in life
  • Dying a broke bum
  • Never figuring out what to do with my life
  • Never finding anyone to love me intimately
  • inability to ever be vulnerable with someone
  • Never finding another job
  • My health never repairs
  • Never getting the alcoholism figured out and never getting sober
  • Going nuts
  • Falling in love with a man (I’ve never really known…)
  • Never having another woman interested in me, if I were to get a divorce.
  • Making a career “transition” to minimum wage and never escaping it
  • Never really understanding my purpose in life

I could easily list more, but I am already detecting a pattern here and can summarize my fears as follows:

  • Financial insecurity
  • Relationships & sex
  • Health
  • Alcoholism
  • No purpose in life

I’m not sure how to correct these, which is the second request the author made for today’s BMJ topic.

3 thoughts on “BMJ: Day 142 – Face My Fears

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