I realize the title seems a little desolate, but I am quickly coming to the realization that I am at my bottom. Although, my world has not finished crumbling, it is now beyond my ability to save on my own. I know I’m doing everything humanly possible to climb out of the hole I find myself, and I completely recognize that hole is still under construction as I keep descending, but I also know that the harder I climb and the faster I try, the deeper I get.
I need help.
I want someone to tell me what to do, give me the advice I need. I believe I am receptive to it. I believe I am desperate enough. I recognize that I haven’t been attending AA meetings with an open mind. I know I haven’t turned myself over to a Higher Power. I accept that I have not always been receptive to possible jobs or career possibilities due to my own personal bias. I have been a know-it-all for far too long and have resisted anyone trying to help me, because I looked down on others. But, ultimately, I recognize that I have not humbled myself.
But I need help…I need advice…I need on going support and encouragement.
I admit it, I’m at the point where change MUST happen. It MUST occur.
I no I have said it before, but I don’t think there is any other choice – I have to resist Hilda and invite Stephanie into my repertoire of positive vibes. It is time.
And, I am no longer above listening to others. I have been a bitch for far too long.
I want this.
I truly, truly want this!