BMJ: Day 146 – Finish the Sentence

Disclaimer: I don’t maintain this series in my blog in order or on time, but as I read through this book, I add to my Beautiful Me Journal. I consider it a work in progress, because I consider myself a work in progress.

***********************************************************************************************

Today’s entry into my BMJ is one where the author asks us to finish a sentence and then reflect on how I finish it.

The beginning:

I feel beautiful when…”

My finish:

“…I express myself authentically with compassion and care for the world around me.”

My reflection:

There are times when I have joked that I am a woman trapped in a man’s body, but sometimes I feel there is a lot to it that I have never really embraced. Maybe I have self imposed biases about what a woman or man should be. Some of those I think are expressive of interacting with the world around me and the societal values that allow a person to function. In some ways I value my maleness, but there are times when I want to embrace a more characteristically feminine approach to life. I’m not sure why I feel this way at times and truthfully, I have found myself in recent days wanting to suppress those feelings because they should not make sense to me. I’ve come to accept, however, that I am who I am and I have spent so much time trying to live up to the expectations of others and maybe, just maybe that’s not really who I am.

When I consider these thoughts, sometimes I think I just don’t know how to be. That sense of just accepting myself as I am – without self-judgment. I think there are some ways where I want to express myself in a feminine manner, but there are times when I feel an inherent masculinity to myself. If you’ve followed my blog much, you know I describe a dichotomy to my being – a yin-yang way of handling the masculine-feminine way I think of myself. There are things I sometimes like that most traditionally masculine men would not like or feel would be “gay”. On the other hand, I sometimes like and embrace those things that are stereotypically male.

I’m not female…I’m well aware of that. But sometimes, I like the idea that I can feel or express myself in a feminine way. God knows I’ve tried to embrace some of it, but I also fail miserably, I think. And so, I begin to think that I a m stupid for even trying. But. for argument’s sake, what if I just experienced being? What if I just stopped worrying about it and stopped worrying about how others view me or how society views me and I just acted on how I felt?

Today, for example, I’m all alone and I feel like expressing myself in a feminine way and don’t have to worry about anyone saying anything to me. I can just be. And, I feel a need to embrace a masculine side to myself for a job I am applying too. What if I just fell into that role too?

And that, I think is what truly makes me feel beautiful – just being who I am without a care, but maintaining a sense of compassion for everything around me.

4 thoughts on “BMJ: Day 146 – Finish the Sentence

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s