BMJ: Day 153 – Embrace What I Avoid

Disclaimer: I don’t maintain this series in my blog in order or on time, but as I read through this book, I add to my Beautiful Me Journal. I consider it a work in progress, because I consider myself a work in progress.

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I have to admit, reading today’s entry made me very, very, very, very, very, very (seriously? I could keep going…) self-conscious. See, the author is asking us to embrace the things we avoid because we are too self-conscious about the negative feelings attached to it. For example, avoiding looking at myself in a mirror is high on my list. I really struggle with it. I have really poor body image and I hate looking at my own body. I really find myself shaking with contempt and disgust any time I look in a mirror. I also have a hard time seeing myself physically. Granted, it doesn’t help that I often times don’t even like being male. I like getting pedicures, for example, but I don’t like getting them done because I stopped shaving my legs a long time ago. That’s another thing…I started shaving my legs for a while and then stopped because I just felt stupid trying to treat myself to feminine self-care.

And honestly, as I write this, I feel the self-disgust I feel welling up inside and I just want to scream. So, maybe for today, I’ll look at myself in a mirror. Maybe, just maybe I can try and make it a habit to look myself in the eye and remind myself that I can feel as pretty as I want to.