So, I have been offered a job. Before I express the gratitude I have for this chance, I’m going to spew negativity right from the get-go for the sole purpose of getting it out and letting go of it.
First and foremost, the pay is right in line for a job of this type…lol. I mean, I don’t honestly expect to make more than what’s offered for a job of this type, but it is FAR below what I’ve made in previous roles. I may have mentioned my incomes in previous roles, but suffice it to say I see it as making $73,000 LESS than I was making six years ago, $42,000 less than I was making a little over 2 years ago, and $13,000 less than I was making about 6 months ago. The pay will not save me, financially, even if it is a step in the right direction. It’s also an hourly paid position and I haven’t punched a clock in almost 30 years – every job I’ve had since 1995 has been salaried, so it’s going to feel really strange to me. Also, it’s not the job I am qualified to do – not because I lack the skills, cause my skills and experience far exceed this role. It’s more than just a step down from what I’ve done in the past. So, I am slightly worried about being bored doing the job. Additionally, this is a very small family owned company (~ 10 people), which has advantages and disadvantages all on its own, but it means the job will have less opportunity to create promotion or opportunity in career advancement. Additionally, although I love God-fearing people, the owner is VERY Christian, so I will not be open about my sexuality at all – not that I’m ever open about it in the first place, but it gives me pause to remain very careful about my personal life. Another thing about the owner is that he is looking for someone to be there long-term. I get the feeling he is wanting a person to be there for as long as possible, but I know, deep-down, that I will always look for a better opportunity – it’s who I am. I’m too ambitious still, to settle down and just accept this as it is. I am always going to want to challenge myself to something.
So, those are the negative things I see. And that is the sad part of my alcoholic mind – the awesome ability to see everything wrong with a situation, but I really do want to change my thinking, so I decided to also discuss the positives about this opportunity and end this post on a positive note, so here we go.
I’ll have a steady income, finally. It pays more than unemployment benefits. It pays more than the substitute teaching I’ve been doing and I will be making something instead of nothing. It will also provide medical insurance. As a type 1 diabetic, this is an absolutely huge and life-saving advantage for me. Granted, I’ve been making due since I lost my medical insurance several months ago, but this will allow me the chance to get myself better care and give me a chance to get back on track with my health. So, that is also a major plus to accepting this position. And although I mentioned above that my skills exceed what is needed for this job, I’ll be working in a laboratory and building on a few laboratory skills that I haven’t used in over 20 years. It essentially keeps me connected to science and chemistry, which I know I love. Another advantage to taking this job is the fact that I am already feeling the positive effects of feeling useful again. I am beginning to dream and plan for my future again. Although I’m 48 years old, I believe I have a lot of life left in me for success. I am now pondering taking the Professional Engineer’s exam for Chemical Engineering so I can become a licensed and chartered Chemical Engineer. I also have been pondering the possibility of working on a PhD in Chemical Engineering (or Astrophysics…it’s a touch decision for me, really). Granted, I am still working on my MSc. in Data Analytics, but I have given some thought to working towards a PhD.
Another huge and major positive that has absolutely nothing to do with a job, but totally important in keeping a job – I’m working on sobriety again and today is day 9.