A new industry, imperfection, fear…

Friday afternoon, I had a job interview. It was for a chemical engineering position with a very small pharmaceutical company. Yes, I live in Colorado, but it’s not a cannabis based pharmaceutical company. The company is relatively new – since 2005, but it focused on producing over the counter anti-viral medication. I applied for the position on a whim, having absolutely no experience with pharmaceuticals, but I believed I have the intellectual ability to meet the necessary skill requirements for the position. But, since Hilda seems to be always within a certain spot in my head, the imperfections of the position began to pop up instantly – namely pay and distance – but I get the feeling that maintaining anonymity on my sexuality would be a smart move on my part.

Since the company is very small – like 15-20 people tops – the chances of making a really high pay are not good. In fact, the posted wages begin at what I’m currently making. Also, the daily commute would be horrendous. It is approximately 45 miles from where I live. I live in a suburb north of Denver and this company is located in a suburb southeast of Denver. We have a toll road here – E470 – which would make the commute somewhat better than the interstate, but it would still take 45 minutes to over an hour to get to work. But that’s IF I had a car. You see, I had to get rid of my used car because it broke down and I had no money to repair it, so I am carless. So, I’ll be relying on mass transit, which increases my commute time to about 2 hours and 40 minutes in on e direction. So, if I were to accept the position, if it were offered, then my day would be pretty long over 5 hours of commute and 8-9 hours of working.

Those are the drawbacks, that Hilda has presented. But, I am wanting to listen to Stephanie much more, since she is positive and optimistic.

The positive or optimistic things I can look towards and compensate for the potential negatives are certainly under consideration. The pay range posted, does indicate that I could earn more than I currently do. The reality is that I need an almost 70% increase on what I’m currently doing in order to save my house. If I can’t save my house, then selling it and finding an apartment a little closer to the job location might compensate for the lower pay and commute. Also, I might be able to leverage the pay a little bit. The owner of the company was highly impressed with my experience in oil & gas and expressed that they have a very “young” team that might benefit from much of the practical knowledge (hehehe…politically correct way of calling me old) I would bring to the team. He feels he can teach me all I need to learn about the pharmaceutical industry and that a lot of the technical skills I bring from oil & gas would sufficiently meet the requirements in this position. Another way to compensate for the lack of a car, is to possibly create a GoFund me campaign. I’ve had a few online friends indicate they would contribute to a GoFund me. So, Stephanie has positive solutions to meet the fears and apprehensions Hilda has placed in me.

But I won’t lie. I always feel weird asking for help. Asking for money to help me, seems like such a self-centered thing to do. Realizing there are people in the world that are starving, truly homeless and suffering from so many ailments, makes me think that people’s money is better suited elsewhere. But then, I always wonder if I am ever going to get off the independence kick, since there is no-doubt that my self-will has run riot and that I need to rely on a power greater than myself. On one hand, what if God gives me the ability to grow a business that provides medical care to others. What if God puts me in a position that allows a pathway to employment for other people. Maybe it’s my perspective that needs to change. Maybe the help I’m asking for can lead to more for others, through me? Isn’t that what my true focus should be?

One of the things I liked about this company is there focus seemed to be about people. They seem to truly care about their employees and how the company serves a need in the people they serve. What if there is more to this picture than me? And what if my focus was for something greater than myself? It seems altruistic, but maybe that’s the one thing that needs to be considered as the means to hinder Hilda’s fear-mongering.

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